“The scorpion in the pot bit me by its teeth.” “The demon caught hold of my wife.” “Twelfth day of my grandma’s death.”
These were some of the excuses offered to the poet Subramania Bharati by his helper whenever he absented himself from work. Then Bharati found Kannan, the ideal aide. Out of this was born a beautiful poem: Kannan en Sevagan — one more avatar of Kannan, with its philosophy and practical wisdom, wit and humour.
But Gandhiji had a painful experience. He writes about it in his Autobiography. Compulsory physical exercise and games in his school came in the way of his being able to do whatever his father would ask him to do. Mr. Gimi, the Principal, a strict disciplinarian, refused to exempt him from gymnastics or cricket, on this ground.
“Now it so happened that one Saturday, when we had school in the morning, I had to go from home to the school for gymnastics at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I had no watch, and the clouds deceived me. Before I reached the school the boys had all left. The next day Mr. Gimi, examining the roll, found me marked absent. Being asked the reason for absence, I told him what had happened. He refused to believe me and ordered me to pay a fine of one or two annas.
“I was convicted for lying! That deeply pained me. How was to prove my innocence? There was no way. I cried in deep anguish. I saw that a man of Truth must also be a man of care".
It is a great lesson to all of us. But we are not as worried as Gandhiji was. Honesty is the best policy, not a creed. So we offer excuses.
Excuses or innocent lies are part of our life. A thin line separates an excuse from a lie. It depends on the beholder and your own past record. We are economical with the truth, perambulating around truth, touting excuses to convince ourselves and others. We start believing our own lies after some time and blame the other for his/her lack of faith and trust. By offering excuses we disown our responsibility. We find scapegoats, pass the buck.
Servant maid vs the homemaker: It is always a tug of war. Excuses galore for her absence, especially when guests visit the house: imaginative, innovative, colourful, creative, spontaneous excuses. But one needs the other; there is compromise due to interdependence. The housewife knew the maid was bluffing; the maid knew the housewife knew. This mutuality somehow strengthened the bond between them. Absence, exasperation, explanation, understanding, bonhomie, the routine. It is a game, enjoyed by both, conspiratorial; a love-hate relationship that subsisted and strengthened by such friendly excuse-mongering and generous excusing. It is on such foundations that a robust relationship is established.
As young boys (girls), we used to invent some ailment as an excuse to skip school. Stomach pain was the most convenient excuse, as fever was detectable. But mother knew it all. She is omniscient. Once in a while she allowed this with a wink, a knowledgeable, tolerant smile. Of course, one has to pay a price for this freedom: no play, no sweets, no chocolates, sometimes a spoon of bitter medicine too.
Of course the wife is the most intelligent and the most formidable lie- detector. She can smell lies; see the unseen, hear the clairvoyant voices in the cosmos; she reads our minds; with ESP, she never fails. Her intuitive abilities are unparalleled. Her IQ (intuitive quotient) is always 100.
You wither and waltz, wilt and paralyse under her gaze and like Arjuna in the midst of the warring factions, you lose your self-confidence. We are told that when Sugriva fought Vali, fifty per cent of Sugriva's strength went to Vali. Her very look makes you blab and spout the truth involuntarily. She never asks. She knows.
The issue need not be an extramarital relationship. In the 1960s, I usually forgot to post the post card she wrote to her mother or forgot to get the coffee powder or flower or salt.
I knew and I think she also knew, it was not intentional but just a slip and a little indifference. But I got caught when the post card fell from a book, not the next day or two days later, but after a month. Accept guilt and surrender: that was the best policy in such situations, rather than giving excuses. Once you were caught red-handed, the trust, the credibility was gone. Then even truth becomes an excuse, a cover-up. Why we forget things and how to remember important dates, things, are for psychologists to suggest. But the types of excuses one can offer are very limited; how many times you will say: “I forgot.” How many times your grandma had to die for you to get leave in office.
The womenfolk do not, need not, offer excuses. When the boiling milk spilled or the bread was darker than black, salt was missing in sambar — all the while she was on her mobile. But you cannot ask them. “Yes, once in a while it happens. Only when you come into the kitchen you will know… what if...” She has no obligation to explain or give reasons or offer excuses.
Governments offer excuses for low growth, high inflation, food scarcity, fall in agricultural production, starvation deaths, bank frauds, and so on.
So also the market analysts: the same excuse for both the bullish and bearish markets.
Schools offer excuses for low percentage of passes: change in question paper pattern, mistakes in question papers, no moderation, poor valuation. Whenever I got low marks I used to give a variety of excuses: the paper was tough, out-of-portion questions, time was short, including no ink in the pen. Seenu, the brightest in the class, got only 99, whereas I got 39; one mark less: 100 or 40 does not make much difference!
Going late to school as a student and going late to office as an adult have nothing in common except the late-coming.
"Why late?"
"Sir, I am late", a simple explanation would have been enough. The whole class may laugh. But you may keep coming late for the entire term. Teacher may ask you to stand outside, ask you to stand up on the bench.
But attending office late has repercussions. No questions asked; no excuses. You mark your attendance electronically and you lose wages by the minute. You may blame your wife or the traffic or buses. The reasons may be real, true; but of no avail. On many occasions truth is stranger than fiction. Nobody wants to hear the truth.
Excuses are all about failures.
Politicians tell excuses for their defeat in polls: AVMs, money power of other parties. Doctors offer excuses why the patient died: brought late; oxygen quality bad. Tried our best. Lawyers explain to their clients why they lost the case: We should have gone to some other Judge. Directors tell excuses for why a film flopped: Bad publicity, timing of release.
Railways on accidents: Sabotage, terrorism, human failure.
Officials give excuses on why increase in bus fares, cost of milk, electricity charges: increase in input costs, wage revision. Bankers on why people loot the banks, why NPA: systemic failure, changed disclosure norms, cleaning the balance sheet. Policemen on why they are not able to nab the criminals: lack of man power.
Realtors on why the project was delayed: increase in input cost, non-availability of Masons. CEOs on why the profits fell: "the uncertain global economic order, caused by weak global recovery, slowing global trade and China's growth transition is the “new normal”. Dancers blame the stage, artisans blame the tools.
Everything global… even corruption is a global phenomenon.
Statistics helps in many ways. You can draw any conclusion you need from the same figures: Total loss to no loss. Comparisons with other States, countries, earlier years, earlier regimes come in handy. “Fundamentals are strong” is what we hear often. What are those fundamentals; we have to dig deep.
Vague generalisations, jargon-mongering or jargoneering; deflect the blame. Finding a scapegoat is essential. Offence is the best form of defence. "Don't ask; don't tell", is a better prescription.
