Evening rounds. I entered the patient’s posh room with my usual smile, but the familiar fragrance of a certain brand of talcum powder that pervaded the room gave me the jitters.
Our brain is a storehouse of information that files away past incidents as memories, layered with different sensations or feelings associated with a given incident. Such sensations could relate to a favourite old song, movie scene or unique smell. Whenever I smell varnish, I am reminded of the carpentry work done 30 years ago in our ancestral home. Similarly, a certain brand of talcum powder that comes in a peach-coloured container, has a unique smell. On this occasion, it rekindled my memories about the Prakasams.
For all medicos, internship is a period of painful pleasure. From being a repository of medical information and jargon, we seek to transform the knowledge into effective clinical practice while taking care of patients during the internship. My first posting was in the medical ward in Unit 6. On my first day, as I entered the ward, the sight of a middle-aged lady cleaning her bed-ridden husband with a wet towel (later known to me as Mr. Prakasam), and showering him with talcum powder was striking. I learnt about all the patients from another intern and went about my daily routine. As the days passed, I came to know more about Ms. and Mr. Prakasam.
They were a middle-aged couple, their two sons married and living separately. Prakasam was working as a cleaning professional. Though his wife was caring, she was short-tempered and occasionally threw tantrums. Being essentially reticent, Prakasam handled these incidents with poise and sailed through troubled times fairly efficiently. But on one unfortunate day, his wife spewed words of vitriol suspecting his fidelity, and in a fit of rage or as a warning, Prakasam attempted to commit suicide by drinking acid that he had access to at his workplace. The acid completely burnt his throat and food pipe.
Twenty years ago he faced doom in a district hospital with meagre reconstructive facilities to save his life. Every day was hell and despair for the couple. His wife would keep ruing herself for her mistake. Unable to utter even a word or make a sound because of the acidic erosions in his throat, Prakasam will just shed tears that flowed down his cheeks. A single act, in a moment of madness, rewrote his destiny.
It soon became a familiar sight every morning as I entered the ward: his wife would be cleaning him and applying the talcum powder to prevent pressure sores. As I administered the medication and examined him every day, the fragrance was unmistakable. But because of his poor oral intake he was getting emaciated by the day.
One morning as I walked down the ward corridor, his bed was empty. His wife was tearfully standing near the door. I could understand what had happened the previous night. As I held her hand to console her, the familiar fragrance filled my nostrils, reminding me of the tearful face of Prakasam.
Unless we develop a strong and stable mental attitude in life, we are bound to make such rash mistakes in our moments of madness. Without a strong mind, it is not possible to control ourselves in such desperate situations. Such mistakes could bring down the curtains on our careers, break a relationship, sever ties with a good friend or even cost a life. Once done, a harsh word, a rude comment, or an act of physical aggression, will be hard to reconcile later.
From that day, whenever I smell that particular fragrance, immediately I remember the Prakasams and their moment of madness.
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