The past month saw Netizens flocking in support of Deepika Padukone after her photographs were reduced to a showpiece on the female anatomy by one English language newspaper. Whether the publication in print of the photograph in the first instance was more appalling or the editor’s vehement defence of it afterwards is a moot point. If a celebrity is judged by the way she dresses, then it’s no surprise that an ordinary person is also judged likewise.
Recently, I decided to head to a pub that my work-mates were insisting on checking out. Not thinking twice about it we headed to the place for a bite and to catch up on office gossip.
As it was still the early hours of the evening, the dimly lit pub was occupied by college students out for a bout of underage drinking, the odd couple or two in the love booths, and other usual sundry characters.
Not long after we settled into our seats, a young girl from the table beside ours approached us to enquire if we were teachers. One of my colleagues replied in the negative and asked her why she asked. To this she very sweetly replied that since it was Teachers’ Day she and her friends thought maybe we had come out to celebrate. Coming from a college student the question was an innocent one as most of us were dressed in our office attire and some even in formal Indian clothes. Most of my friends were amused and one even joked about S. Radhakrishnan sitting in heaven and scoffing at the suggestion of our being academicians. As she turned back to return to her friends, a doubt flashed through my mind, but I quickly pushed it aside as the server arrived with the menu.
Our orders placed, we were just about warming up into the conversation when the server arrived by my side with the menu card in his hand and politely informed me that the ‘Tom Collins’ that I had ordered was actually an alcoholic beverage, and checking if that is what I had actually wanted. Because, how could an Indian girl in a traditional outfit hanging out in an all-girls teetotaller group could possibly be someone who consumes alcohol, much less know that ‘Tom Collins’ is a cocktail? Of course he didn’t say that out aloud, but that is exactly what he meant. To say I didn’t feel denigrated at his question would not be completely true. I gave him the most indignant stare I had ever given someone in my life, but my inherently mild disposition prevented me from articulating my ire. Nonetheless I confirmed to him that it was indeed the ‘cocktail’ that I wanted.
So to sum up, a server and a bartender standing in the prime business district of India’s capital city totally ignored the fact that I could be an articulate, confident working woman who’s completely at ease in their pub — which is by no means an inexpensive one. Instead, they chose to focus on my attire, which for them probably screamed ‘out of place’. That is also perhaps what went through the collective minds of the college kids sitting beside us, which prompted one of them to ask us a question.
A woman’s education, her financial and societal status, are all secondary to her gender. It seems there is an unwritten societal code for women in India which each member of my sex is expected to abide by. And if, heaven forbid us, we are to breach this imaginary code then we should be prepared to face the consequences.
So that is what we do every day of our lives from when we are born to the day we die. The countless girls and women who go out of their houses daily are all open invitations for men to ogle at, to touch, to make passes and to presume that we are dying to be the object of their fantasies. Not to mention the social condemnation for seemingly innocuous choices.
None of us is spared. Not Deepika Padukone who, in the words of her contemporary Sonam Kapoor, “asked for it” by dressing irresponsibly. Nor the girl whose senile boss can’t help himself from dropping hints that he wants to go out with her simply because she is unmarried. And most definitely not the countless nameless girls, who according to a few senile lunatics, seemingly have fallen prey to ‘love jihad — the religious propaganda tool de jure’ because clearly these girls couldn’t love a Muslim man out of choice. In the minds of the menfolk, and unfortunately some women too, we are ourselves asking for it by dressing, behaving, thinking, choosing or acting in a certain manner.
Yes, all of us are asking for it. But it’s not what you think. We are asking you to just let us be ourselves — carefree and without apprehensions. Afford us the opportunity to live with dignity and respect. If that’s too much to ask for, just give us indifference. If that were to happen, I for one will be happy to finally enjoy my ‘Tom Collins’ in peace.
meenakshi.jayant@gmail.com
