My brother once complained to me about his two-year-old son. “Oh! It needs a Herculean effort to potty-train him. Is there any suggestion?”
Having gone through the ordeal with my daughter five or six years earlier, I said he could reward him with loud claps and encouraging words each time he finished his potty without help. I also added that a lollipop at times could also be given as a mark of appreciation. “But, won’t that be like bribing him,” he put a question that made me think.
Reward and bribe have a fine line between them. So, was giving a lollipop akin to bribing him?
The other day, when I was shopping in a mall, I happened to see a little, wailing child demanding a doll of her choice. Her parents were embarrassed as the she was attracting a lot of attention. To make her stop crying, the mother quickly bought the doll for her.
In both instances, the child is getting something in return for good behaviour. Which action by the parent in both cases could be beneficial for the child in the long run? Keeping the child’s behaviour in check for the time being, or mending his behaviour for years to come?
There is a valuable saying, “Though the bribe be small, yet the fault is great,” by the English barrister Sir Edward Coke, though in a different context. So, the thought of teaching children at a tender age the concept of bribe shuddered me. But after I did research on reward and bribe, these are the points I came across which may be useful to parents.
Pat on the back
Giving an incentive to encourage the child to continue progress in whichever field he or she is struggling is a reward, while the same thing being done in a stressful environment to briefly tackle the child’s behaviour is a bribe.
James Lehman, who has authored the book, Transform your problem child , has suggested using tangible rewards to let the child know that he is on the right path.
Also, a Dutch proverb says, “Reward sweetens labour.” So, to encourage children to do hard work, it is essential to keep a prize at the end of their toil. But, unless the child does not know the reason for receiving the reward, the purpose of giving it is lost.
Rewards motivate, whereas bribing makes children stubborn to get whatever they want. So, giving a lollipop at times after successful potty completion is not bribery. But the mother at the mall who wanted to make her child behave by getting her the doll can be accused of it.
priyasri_m_1976@yahoo.com
