I was heading the industrial relations division of a large manufacturing company in Chennai during the period 1971-77. My daughter was eight years old and was going to a private school in the Mylapore area of the city during 1971. Her classmates were the children of business men and corporate heads and society leaders. She had a great liking for the teachers and students of this great institution.
This incident happened in the second week of December 1971. The company as in the past printed attractive diaries for 1972 and calendars for distribution to parties connected with the company. The heads of departments were given large number of diaries and calendars to the department by the company secretary, and I brought nearly 100 of them to my house one day.
I gave one diary to my daughter and she was on the top of the world. But after two or three days, she came and requested me to hand over 25 diaries to her, for distribution among her classmates and teaching staff.
I explained to her that these diaries were meant only for distribution to government officials, trade union friends and to professionals in the human relations field. I told her that I should not misuse my position. But she started crying and refused to take the dinner on that day.
The next day, she repeated her request. She also showed me the calendars that she received from her classmates the previous day. She felt that others will ignore her in the school, if the diaries are not distributed considering the promises made by her!)
I took her to a fairly big stationery shop in the Mylapore area. I purchased a very nice picture book for her and that pleased her.
I then asked the shop assistant to pack 25 Hoe and Co. diaries, just to make her happy. “No,” she told me, and added: “I want the company diaries only. They have given me the company's diaries.” She was very clear, and would not compromise. I left the shop without purchasing the diaries.
Later she did not raise this issue. I also remained silent. But I noticed a sadness in her face for some time, and I left it there.
She took her master’s degree and worked in responsible positions in big organisations. After her marriage I accompanied her to the United States to be with her.
One day in 2012 we went for shopping in the Maryland area and then peeped into Barnes and Noble. We were in this great bookstore for more than two hours perusing the books in the various sections. Our idea was to spend a lot of time there, but after visiting the diaries section, I found her moody and sad.
I purchased a copy of C.K. Prahalad’s The Fortune at the Bottom of the Pyramid , as she wanted a copy. Then after going through so many sections, we reached the diaries section. I found her mentally agitated at that moment.
Change of plans
She expressed her desire to get back home, and it looked very strange to me, as it was against the original plan to remain there for more time. I agreed and returned home with her
Back at home, she told me, with tears in her eyes, that she had been unfair to me in life. I asked her why she was in tears. She referred to the childhood incident and said, “I apologise to you.” I told her that I have never questioned her on that till date. “I have taken that only as childish innocence.”
She, after a long discussion said, “I did a great mistake to you then. I was hundred per cent wrong and you were right.”
I asked her not to get emotional on an incident which happened several years back I realised that she was living her life with that thought in mind. She told me at the end, that she was happy after her expression of regret.
After few months, she passed away. The denial of the company diaries had wounded her then. Later she realised that her request was unreasonable. That guilt haunted her till the last.
Now with my very young grand children, I am thinking loud and getting worried some times. Elders sometimes, reject their requests.
Are we rubbing them on the wrong side?
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