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Still single, young and looking forward happily enough

It is the time to tell yourself, you are a strong, self-sufficient, independent woman who needs no love

You are in your late-20s and you find yourself single, by choice. You wear your singledom as an armour. It’s your armour against all the married friends, honeymoon trips and cute babies being born every day.

You constantly tell yourself you are happy, and in reality, well, you are! You are doing well career-wise, reading loads of books, dancing to music and practising photography. You try to sell yourself the concept that you can be “the” single person throughout your life, partially because of your past experience and partially because you think it’s a novel idea.

When you pitch this theory to your friends they tell you, don’t be so pessimistic, loser girl. You are just scared, and with the right person it is going to be okay. The doubtful you or let’s say it, hopelessly romantic you, promises them and yourself that you are open to the idea of dating someone, when Mr. Right shows up. With this you also commit that you can show up at somebody’s door when the time is really right.

You have a busy schedule, and there are no parties or anything where you can meet the new person. And suddenly one guy from the past starts dropping hints. You are apprehensive at first, almost with the look, is it really me? And you ignore him. After all he is just not the right person and it was just a random hint that you must have misconstrued.

Then the second hint comes, and you go on a fault-finding mission with him. He is just not my type, he doesn’t read books and this face is too broad for his body. He can’t WhatsApp you with full words, and uses words like crt for correct and form for from. You tell your friends and they dispel all your doubts that you are being too choosy, picky and cynical.

Being the self-doubting creature that you are, you brush aside your own doubts and begin the conversation with the guy, who has already dropped the third hint. You are a little more lonely than you care to admit to yourself and soon he becomes a little pick-me-up. You don’t write ‘hey’ to him every day, but yes once in a while you do and it just feels so good. He doesn’t drop ‘hey’ himself, but you think he is too busy — and by the way, he has already dropped three hints. You are a strong, independent woman and you can go after a guy who you find interesting.

He has been asking to see you for some time and you give in. Of course, you don’t show up in his city for this reason but for something else. And you get very strong feelings for him. It may be lust, infatuation or love, but you are super-happy. It doesn’t help that he is a hot guy and you feel he is way out of your league.

But, but, but, maybe you are more attractive than you think you are, and all of your friends swear by the notion that you two look good together. He just dropped the fourth hint and you are over the moon, even over Pluto. Because you are to later find out that’s how far you are away from reality, I will call it the sun. Your heart is just bubbling and your stomach is chock-full with butterflies. You decide to stop waiting for him to say anything and ask him the “the” question. You wait, wait and wait. Your mind says no, heart says yes but you feel, what the hell. You are just waiting for the confirmation. After all, the fourth hint was pretty unambiguous. And, suddenly he is gone. No reply, nothing.

You feel humiliated for coming as desperate. All the dreams you saw in the meantime are broken. Your friends are too busy to console you again. You lie on your bed and think about him. And how much you will hate the day he will get married, to some lucky arranged-marriage girl. And you will be alone, forever. It’s now you realise, amidst all of these, unknowingly you have lowered your singledom armour, and now it is the time to pick it up again.

It is the time to tell yourself, you are a self-sufficient, strong, independent woman and you need no love. Besides, you have lots of books to read, places to go, and you never wanted kids anyway.



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Printable version | Mar 29, 2020 3:57:34 PM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/Still-single-young-and-looking-forward-happily-enough/article14019623.ece

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