A couple married for many years found themselves drifting apart. No apparent reason was evidenced, yet there seemed to be a slow pulling away from each other.
One of the affected spoke to a common friend about this, seeking to understand what may have caused the drift in an otherwise outwardly and apparently healthy relationship. The friend dwelt on this and offered his explanation.
“Often,” he said, “In close relationships, expectations of one another develop. These expectations, even if not misplaced, are sometimes beyond the individual, for it intrinsically demands a change in perceived behaviour; to satisfy a need that is unmet, to recognise an emotional requirement that has been compromised, and sometimes merely give the feeling of being supported.” How do the incumbents then restore what may be a fractured relationship, the adviser was asked.
“There are three possibilities,” said the Good Samaritan:
1. Accept one another with warts and blemishes as the individual is.
2. Attempt to be less judging of one another.
3. Show positive regard.
While this may not be the ideal formula to repair damage caused, it will certainly bring into the relationship less angst and perhaps even a modicum of affection.
The writer is an organisational and behavioural consultant. He can be contacted at ttsrinath@gmail.com
