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All true patriots will welcome the Army tank in JNU

Military Tank  

As a true patriot, I welcome the Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) vice chancellor’s (VC) proposal to install a tank in the university campus. Here, finally, is a VC who loves his students so much that he cannot rest until he’s made sure all of them love the country as much as he does.

Even a patriot with an IQ of 56 would commend this man’s commitment and endorse his brilliant idea. But sadly, the left-liberal mafia that dominates the media, the academia, the sky, the earth, and the four corners of the galaxy has been fulminating against this nationalistic proposal.

Needless to say, I am repulsed by the very idea of engaging with these hypocritical elitist traitors spouting anti-national bile from seditious drawing rooms cooled by foreign-made air conditioners that release foul global warming gases into the air that you and I breathe and that our soldiers on the border die to protect.

But as a true patriot, I shall do my duty.

Objections and suggestions

The first objection raised by these full-time anti-nationals is that it is not the VC’s job to instil nationalism in students. Really? Whose job is it then — the cook in Ganga Dhaba?

The second objection is that a battle tank on campus would initiate a pervasive militarisation that would wipe out the poisonous culture of critical thinking, dissent, and authority-questioning, all of which are banned in the military and will soon be banned in the entire country but continue to flourish in JNU. I leave it to the reader to decide if this objection is even worth responding to.

I’d rather use this opportunity to make some constructive suggestions that build on the VC’s fabulous idea.

First, it is my humble submission that in order to instil a fully rounded, 360-degree patriotism in students, we must have representative hardware from all the three wings of the armed forces, since not just the Army, but the Air Force and Navy also make great sacrifices for the country. So the VC should also request for a fighter jet and an aircraft carrier to be put on display along with the tank.

I agree that the JNU campus at present does not have a waterbody large enough to accommodate an aircraft carrier. But if we demolish the School of Social Sciences and the School of Language, Literature and Culture Studies, dig up the ground where they stood and fill it with seawater, we should be able to create an artificial lake big enough to support a small but functional aircraft carrier.

As the VC put it, the purpose of the display is to “constantly remind students of the great sacrifices and valour of the Indian Army”. Please note that the key word here is “constantly”. There should not be a single moment when a JNU student is not reminded of the great sacrifices — and this is where the fighter jet comes in.

It is a well-established fact that girls in JNU do nothing but engage in free sex and use up 3,000 condoms a day, as BJP MLA Kailash Chaudhary reminded us, something a developing country can ill-afford. So if we demolish the girls’ hostels and convert them into hangars, every time a boy feels the urge to visit a girl’s hostel he will recall the fighter jet in the hangar and immediately remember the great sacrifices of the defence forces. The jets could also do hourly sorties over the campus so that the mnemonic objectives are constantly achieved.

Actually, it is the JNU faculty, even more than the students, who are the hardcore anti-nationals in dire need of patriotic shock therapy. I therefore recommend demolishing their quarters on campus. The esteemed professors, who will doubtless appreciate the joys of simple living and high thinking, can all be housed in one-room tenements made of cow dung in a small enclosure behind the main gate.

Given that even the Army is set to build bunkers out of cow dung, as suggested last week by a leading intellectual luminary, living in a house made of bovine building materials would serve to constantly remind JNU faculty of the Army’s great sacrifices.

Classroom nationalism

That leaves us with one last space still untouched by nationalistic visual stimuli: classrooms. It may not be practical to put a tank or a fighter jet or an aircraft carrier inside the classroom, for if we do, where will the students sit?

I suggest we keep a man-portable air-defence system (MANPADS), as shoulder-launched missiles are called, in every university classroom across the country. While I personally prefer the Russian SA-7 Grail, I’m fine with the U.S.-made Stinger too.

One problem is that India has far too many educational institutions while our defence budget is limited. But thankfully, we still have an education budget, and it is just about adequate to purchase a tank for every campus and a missile for every classroom.

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Printable version | Mar 4, 2021 4:29:18 PM |

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