Life hacks from Agony akka Opinion

Do dance, go France

Illustration: Satheesh Vellinezhi  

Dear Agony Akka,

I am 17 years old, I live in Raipur, and I am desperate to be an actor. My parents, however, keep insisting that I should do IIT-IIM and leave the country for a fancy foreign job. I hate the idea. I hate engineering. I hate computers. Actually, I hate studies. I only want to go to Mumbai, do acting in hit movies and become a hero. I am very handsome, like Ranveer Singh types, and I can also dance very well. I always get selected in all school socials. But my parents are just not understanding. Please can you tell me how to convince them of my career choice.

— Boldly Eager To Act

Dear BETA,

I am not at all sure acting is a good career choice these days. Mind you, given your set of talents — being handsome, being able to dance, not at all interested in studies — acting does seem like the No. 1 profession of choice. But these days it seems to be a job with high risks. Look how Sushant Singh died off. God only knows what and all he must have suffered. Look what happened to Rhea. Channels made football of her life.

Now same thing with great SRK’s son. If superstar’s son can go to jail, then what price son of Raipur businessman? You are doomed.

Imagine, for one moment, you are standing one day smoking a cigarette and suddenly one car comes and parks next to you and 2-3 goonda types begin to unload many packets of white stuff and proceed to stash it away. Imagine further that you see them carrying guns. You try to become invisible.

At that moment, another one car comes at great speed and screeches to a halt there. Two-three men step out and it soon transpires that they belong to the Narcotics Crime Bureau. What do you think will happen next?

You are thinking they will arrest the goonda types. Hahaha! Foolish boy, you are standing there, first of all actor and second of all smoking. Of course, they will arrest you. Don’t you know smoking in public is prohibited? What do you mean by trying to be all stylish Rajini-type lounging against wall with cigarette? You will be locked up and the key thrown away.

The Bureau is a chillingly efficient organisation that is completely fair-minded and transparent in all its actions. It does not care if you are famous actor or wannabe. All it wants is for dangerous dealers to be put away and it knows that tobacco is more dangerous than drug items.

Another very important fact the Bureau knows is that drugs intake is giving hallucinatory experience, which can make even 3,000 kilos of drug look like 13 grams and vice versa. That is why quantity of drug seizure is not important in the phantasmagoric world of wheeling and dealing. What is important is occupation, religion, age, name etc. of persons standing nearby to drugs. My advice is you stay out of Mumbai altogether.

If your parents want you to go to foreign countries, no need for IIT-IIM. No need for any kind of academics. Instead, you can sell tea or study religion, both have very good scope for foreign travel. In fact, if you become top-notch guru like our Nithya, you can even establish your own foreign country.

You are thinking why I am giving career advice that is ignoring your dancing skills. I am not that foolish. You think you can become Nithya without dancing between Physics and Maths and Cosmos and You and Me and I? No chance.

— AA

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Printable version | Jan 18, 2022 1:31:12 PM |

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