You sacrifice, I win

Other people please send your children for long jump and high jump otherwise China will come first

July 08, 2017 04:24 pm | Updated 06:32 pm IST

Respected Sir/Madam,

Let me tell you one thing about India.

Actually I want to say so many things. For example, when you have to give one or two visible identification marks in some government form, visible to whom? You or me? It is not clear. Because I have many identification marks that I can see but hello I cannot show you, who am I Aruna Irani? Also maybe there are marks that only you can see not me, like birthmark behind ear or excessive muscles in the back.

So which one should I put in the form? Or like my neighbour Dr. Shankaramenon should I just put ‘mole on the left side’ in every form without saying left side of what?

Either you make it clear or ask your fellow in the passport office to explain properly.

But I want to tell about another thing. Just one thing. All of us are prepared to make whatever sacrifice for the glory of this great country as long as other people are making this sacrifice and not us. What about us you are asking? Excuse me if everybody is making sacrifice for the country, then who will work in nice jobs and make good money and live comfortable lifestyle? So we will take care of all these issues, while you make sacrifice for India ok?

Why did I think of this?

Earlier today I was sitting at home and watching women’s cricket match between India and Sri Lanka. Sir/madam, maybe you are thinking, finally one fellow in India is watching women’s cricket. I will watch any and every sport on TV. I don’t know if you remember but back in the days of Prime Sports they used to show all kinds of sports on cable TV. American football, baseball, basketball, cheerleading, aerobics, beach volleyball. I used to sit and see everything for many hours.

Especially if India is playing. Even if it is Snooker or Golf and all, if an Indian is playing I will support. Why not?

So when I saw that Indian women’s team is playing cricket, I immediately told Mrs. Mathrubootham cancel all plans Kamalam we have to support our girls. She said okay I will tell your secretary to cancel board meeting at 4 pm and New York flight at 6 pm. I laughed heartily so that conversation will end before toss.

Later, just as match was reaching thrilling climax, Dr. Shankaramenon came to have tea and do timepass. He came and sat on the sofa and both of us saw India win the tight match. As usual, right after the match Dr. Shankaramenon began to give lecture.

Why we don’t support more different sports in India, he said. Always why should we run behind men’s cricket. Instead we should encourage our boys and girls to participate in all sports. Football, basketball, javelin, snooker et cetera. Then only like China we will also be respected everywhere, it seems.

Bloody fool hypocrite criminal fellow. You are giving man ki baat about sports?

Sir/madam Dr. Shankaramenon has three children, two boys and one girl. All three are doctors. Fifteen minutes after they came out of their mother he started coaching them for medical entrance exam. From morning to evening he made them study. I remember they used to come to my house once in awhile to play some games with my children. But immediately Dr. Shankaramenon would come and take them off. In their entire lives they have not gone for school sports day even once.

And now this mahatma wants youth of India to win Nobel Prize in ball badminton.

See sir/madam, this is the problem. Our own children we want to become doctor, engineer, astronaut, chartered accountant and all. If they even touch a ball we will make them write Brilliant Tutorials textbook 15 times as imposition. But other people please send your children for long jump and high jump otherwise China will come first.

This is the problem. You make sacrifice, because I want glory. How will this work?

Yours in exasperation,

J. Mathrubootham

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