Letter from a concerned reader | When Mr. Mathrubootham judged a talent show

And her voice is like melted butter flowing down the side of ghee roast. And her smile is like sunrise on top of Kilimanjaro. This is between you and me only

February 23, 2019 04:17 pm | Updated February 24, 2019 10:53 am IST

Getty Images/ iStock

Getty Images/ iStock

Respected Madam/ Sir,

How are you? I have just come back from Residents Association annual talent show. I stepped into the house 10-15 minutes back only. Talent show is still going on. Mrs. Mathrubootham is there only. So why did I come back early? It is a story of greatest injustice.

Because Madam/ Sir, I have been dismissed from the judging panel. Me. Myself. Mr. Mathrubootham. Can you believe it? In the last many years I have sent so many, so many, so many letters. Even once did you think that this man has zero seriousness, this man is a comedy fellow?

Absolutely 100% wrong. Okay, sometimes once in a while I will make some very funny jokes, but only for the penetrating insight into the muttaal complexity of our karumamaana human existence in this mannangkatti world. But today I have been humiliated in front of entire Residents Association. It is the lowest of the low experience for Mr. Mathrubootham.

Is it my fault? Never. So, two-three weeks back Mrs. Mathrubootham came and said, “Old man we are organising talent show for all the people in the society.” I said, “Ok, so easy for you, whole programme will only take seven minutes. Ha ha ha ha.” This is called penetrating insight.

She said, “Old man, can you be member of the judging panel?”

I said, “Why every time in this colony everyone will get prize except Mr. Mathrubootham? This is fair or no Kamalam?”

She said, “Old man we are making judging panel with one teenager, one middle age and one senior citizen. Otherwise, same three or four old fellows will sit and give prize for black and white songs and bhajans and all. You please agree. Of all the old people you are the most youthful in the heart?”

Madam/ Sir, are you seeing the emotional blackmail my wife is doing? I said, “No no Kamalam, maybe I also want to do talent show.”

Then she said, “Mrs. Lathika from B-block is the middle-age judge.”

I said, “Ok fine, if you insist so many times means who am I to say no, I agree.” (Mrs. Lathika is wonderful lady who has same face-cut as Radhika Sharathkumar. And her voice is like melted butter flowing down the side of ghee roast. And her smile is like sunrise on top of Kilimanjaro. This is between you and me only, please don’t put in newspaper. Mrs. Mathrubootham has voice like railway accident and strength like JCB.)

So today I went to the hall for talent show. Esteemed members of judging panel sat on VIP table in front of the stage. I did some small talks with Mrs. Lathika and the other judge, some stupid teenager from 7th floor with stupid name. Vimaan. Avihamaan. Burjumaan. Some nonsense name like that. One after the other people started doing talents. And we put marks in paper sheet. Originality, execution, costume, music and all we put marks.

Then one fellow came and said I am going to do breakdance. And then for 10 minutes he did something Madam/ Sir that I have never seen anything like it before. After he finished, Mrs. Mathrubootham took the mike and said that was a fantastic performance, judges any questions for our dancer?

I took judges special mike and said: “My son what a performance. Never before in my life I have seen combination of shivering of typhoid patient, joint movement of rheumatic arthritis patient, and body movement of snake bite victim. Whether your parents are medical college?”

Immediately people got angry. Mrs. Lathika said, “How dare you insult this boy like this, he is dancing latest form of breakdance.”

Teenage judge Ispahaan said, “Uncle this is very bad, why you are hating young people. This is the problem with old people these days.” Then crowd also got agitated and then Mrs. Mathrubootham said, “Calm down, calm down, excuse me hello calm down. We have decided to change the judges panel in order to avoid any controversies. Mr. Mathrubootham has agreed to step down, I will replace him.”

Everybody started clapping. I immediately came back home. I thought fine, at least peace of mind will be there in my own house. Never.

Madam/ Sir, what is the first thing I see on news website? Paris Olympics 2024 will have breakdance competition.

Not only wife but whole world is humiliating me these days.

Yours in exasperation,

J. Mathrubootham

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