Still how can you watch cricket without commentary? It is ‘konjam’ over no, asks Mr. Mathrubootham

‘Young man, I am very open-minded these days, but is it some adults-only programme for youths?’

Updated - June 23, 2019 10:30 am IST

Published - June 22, 2019 04:11 pm IST

Image: Getty Images/ iStock

Image: Getty Images/ iStock

Respected Madam/ Sir,

When a respected person is retiring from Bank of India after decades and decades of meritorious service what is the expectation? Rolls Royce car? No. Five star hotel? No. Foreign trip? Never. Any luxurious lifestyle? No no thousand times no.

Real expectation is first of all good night sleep. Wake up between 7 a.m. and 9 a.m. Nice bath. Then simple breakfast. After that sit in the living room under ceiling fan and read some newspaper, novel, see some TV programme. Then lunch time. Simple lunch, no need for complication, whether I am Sultan of Brunei? Then go for walk, meet some friends, tea or coffee. Then evening come back home. Mingling with family members. Dinner. Switch on TV. News anchor will shout at me. I will shout at news anchor. Then Mrs. Mathrubootham will shout at me, then we will together shout at TV, then neighbour shout through balcony, then we will give back with interest, like that after 30 minutes, mind and body is relaxed and we go to sleep.

This is the expectation. When I was working and working nonstop in the bank I used to dream of this retired lifestyle only. Sometimes customers will come and ask very intelligent and relevant question like, excuse me, Mr. Mathrubootham, whether housing loan is only for home or I can also use for buying car or fridge or Tata Sky connection. I said, no no, please don’t do such things. We are providing different service it is called auto loan.

Then customer will think like C.V. Raman and say, oh no, what nonsense you are talking, I want car for the family, Mr. Mathrubootham, what I will do with auto? Then I will say please give me three minutes I will check some details about loan and come. Then I will go to strong room where one poster is there with message: “Customer is King.” I will remove sandals and slap this poster 10-15 times and then go back to customer to give service.

Why I did this self-torture? Madam/ Sir, because I thought, one day I can retire and live relaxed lifestyle with pension.

Instead what happened yesterday? First of all, no water for bath. Second of all, fan is not working because of some short circuit. Third of all, Kamalam suddenly said, oh no, forgot about Ladies Association meeting, please manage your breakfast. Also downstairs Nalini’s son is coming for some tuition in economics. Will you please give company for half an hour? I will come very quickly old man.

So I made one cup of tea and took some biscuits and banana and sat in living room. After some time Nalini’s son came. One 15-year old ruffian type fellow. I said, “Hello do you want tea or some snacks.” He said, “No thanks, uncle, I am fine.” I said, “Do you want to watch World Cup highlights on TV?” He said, “Why not, it will be good timepass.”

Suddenly while highlights are going on ruffian picked up the remote and put TV on silent. I said, “What happened you don’t like commentary?” He said, “Uncle who will listen to this nonsense except someone who is trying to get ear cancer?” Ball is gone to the boundary it seems. I thought hippopotamus has gone to supermarket. Fools I can see no?

Then immediately he took out one iPad and started looking. I said, “What are you doing Twitter or Facebook? Please give full details.”

Madam/ Sir, what and all children will do online these days, who knows? I thought if he is using my internet for some illegal activities then imagine humiliation when my photo is in your esteemed newspaper tomorrow under cybercrime section.

He said, “Uncle, Twitter and Facebook and all what nonsense. I went to Malaysia. I am eating ice cream on mountain. Whether anybody cares? Nonsense. I am watching TV programme called Chernobyl. Have you seen? It is amazing.” I said, “Young man, I am very open-minded these days, but is it some adults-only programme for youths?”

He said, “Ha ha uncle, some I will show you.”

Madam/ Sir, together we sat and watched one episode. Thrills are still going through my body. After that I said, “Shall we quickly watch news highlights?” He said, “Uncle if you want to watch, you watch, I don’t watch news.” I said, “Young man if you don’t watch news how will you know what is happening in the world. Without general knowledge what you will achieve in life? Whether any advancement will happen?”

He said, “Uncle, you are watching news everyday? Have you ever seen anybody with general knowledge on the TV? Even single person?”

Madam/ Sir, people are always saying what will happen to India, future is black and all. I am saying don’t worry. Young people are there. Give one chance.

Still how can you watch cricket without commentary? It is konjam over no?

Yours in positive expectations,

J. Mathrubootham

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