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Mr. Mathrubootham is already golden colour. No sun cream needed

Image: Getty Images/ iStock

Image: Getty Images/ iStock  

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‘Have you seen superhit Keanu Reeves film The Matrix? Exactly like that life is with Mrs. Mathrubootham’

Respected Madam/Sir,

How are you? Do you have 10 minutes? Just some daily talks. What else can happen in life of retired persons. All the youths are doing revolution and all. What should retired peoples do. We should say what mannangkatti we did in 70 years? Big talks, nothing else. If constable is even walking on the road means we will get scared and cross the road. This much revolution we have done.

Better to keep quiet and avoid nose-cutting by youths.

Just some daily talks only, Madam/ Sir.

Have you seen superhit Keanu Reeves film The Matrix? Twenty years back itself I saw first day first show. Yenna action, yenna thrills, yenna music. One scene inside lobby of one building. Everything is quiet and calm and then suddenly shooting and somersault and what and all is happening. Exactly like that life is with Mrs. Mathrubootham. At 5:15 p.m., house is quiet like anything. Even voltage stabiliser on fridge you can hear from bedroom. Bzzzzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzzzzz.

Then at 5:16 p.m., total death and destruction and chaos. Today what happened? I am sitting and enjoying superhit novel The Hammer of the Gods by Ken Follett, when suddenly Mrs. M came and said, “Old man have you even heard of moisturiser? Since 1976, you are putting same old Spice and Nivea. Whether you have any shame? This is why your face is looking like surface of karunai kizhangu. Will you do something or not?”

I said, “Kamalam, please have basic decency. If you want to eat my head, please eat, but give reason also.” She said, “Old man, just now on Instagram, Mrs. Nalini from Ladies Association has put family photos from Goa Christmas trip. Have you seen?” I said, “Kamalam, maximum I have 30 years left on this earth, whether I will waste it looking at other lady photos? I stopped after marriage itself.”

She said, “Look at Mrs. Nalini’s husband. He is same age as you. But any comparison is there? He is wearing jeans and T-shirt and cooling glass and all. You are having two-three pants and 10 shirts, five in cream colour and five light blue.”

“My god, Kamalam,” I said, “tell me what you want? You want jeans and T-shirt? Immediately I will go and get from tailor.” She said, “First of all, what buffoon goes to tailor for jeans. Next you will go to telegram office to send WhatsApp message. Second of all, do something about face. Everyday you are loafing around Anna Nagar. Whether you can put some sunscreen and moisturiser? Shall I buy for you?” I said, “No need I will purchase myself.”

So I went to nearby pharmacy and said, “Thambi give one nice international sun cream. Export quality only.” He said, “Uncle one model is there that foreigners are buying, shall I get?” I said, why not.

Madam/ Sir, I used before evening walk. And Kamalam said, “Oho some effect is there. Skin is softer than before.” Next day I used, she said, softness and some shining is there. Third day she said, “What nonsense you are putting on face, you are looking like musambi.”

Immediately, Kamalam took sun cream packet for details and then she is laughing like anything. Buffoon in pharmacy is giving sun cream that foreigners are using to get nice golden colour. Mathrubootham is already golden colour. No extra colour needed. Kamalam laughed and laughed. I called pharmacy, and rascal said it will take minimum one week for normal skin colour. Kamalam said to throw it out. I said, “Kamalam don’t talk nonsense have you seen price? I am now using it on all parts of body that is not for public consumption.”

Yours in moisturisation,

J. Mathrubootham

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Printable version | Jan 20, 2020 3:14:30 PM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/columns/mr-mathrubootham-is-already-golden-colour-no-sun-cream-needed/article30534339.ece

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