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Lunch and all is fraud of U.S. government to increase farmer business, says Mr. Mathrubootham

Image: Getty Images/ iStock

Image: Getty Images/ iStock  

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‘Madam/ Sir, whether you have ever asked any people for advice of losing weight? It is even worse than asking feedback on PM Modi’

Respected Madam/ Sir,

In Malayalam there is one saying. Don’t take snake on the fence and put it inside the lungi. This only happened to myself this week.

Five six days back I was standing in bathroom and brushing teeth. Brushing and brushing. Brain is thinking and thinking. World news. Politics. Sports. Food items. Actress Gautami, Avasara Police 100 superhit film, like that things. Suddenly through the mirror behind dirty clothes bucket I saw one corner of one thing.

What is that thing, Madam/ Sir? Weighing machine.

Ok, immediately what brain should have said? Retired person means what the brain should say? It should say Mathrubootham please ignore weighing machine. You please brush teeth only. As if you are participating in Mr. Chennai competition in Elder category. Everyday paralokam is getting near and near and you will look at weight? Nonsense.

Instead what brain is saying? Mathrubootham when you check weight last time? During Deepavali is it? Ok please check again. Looking slim these days but better make sure. Check off.

Madam/ Sir, I went and stood on weighing machine and found weight is now 81 kg, increased minimum 4 kg since Deepavali. Guruvayoorappa, what is this.

Mrs. Mathubootham came running. I said, “Kamalam I have increased weight by 4 kg since Deepavali.” She said, “Old man, nonstop eating rasmalai and drinking rosemilk means you will become actor Madhavan?”

Day and night this woman thinks of Madhavan only.

That evening I met Dr. Shankaramenon and Mohammed Usman at Senior Intermediate Yoga. Afterwards Usman is asking what happened Mathrubootham? Face is longer than Marina Beach?

I said, “Friends what to do, weight has increased 4 kg. Any advice is there?”

Madam/ Sir, whether you have ever asked any people for advice of losing weight? It is even worse than asking feedback on PM Modi. Within two minutes entire Intermediate Seniors are standing around like jackals around buffalo in Panchatantram story. For one hour I got idea after idea.

I went to Mrs. M and said, “Kamalam, I am thinking of doing these ideas for weight loss. Any thoughts?” She laughed and laughed like anything and said, “100% you should try from today itself.”

So, after waking up first thing I am having ginger water before any and every activity. This Usman said. Then after brushing teeth and all I am having one glass lemon water warm. This Mrs. Nalini said. Then for four hours I am not eating anything whatsoever. This is tip from upstairs Mrs. D’Costa. At 11 o’clock I am having breakfast of curd with honey and one cup black coffee. This is important input from Mrs. Nalini (Not same Nalini, other Nalini, Libya return). What I am having for lunch? Nothing at all. Because Mr. Pratapan, maybe you remember, said lunch and all is fraud of U.S. government to increase farmer business. Actually, humans must eat only two meals. Then for dinner? Lavish food? What nonsense you are talking. Dinner is one vegetable soup. Yoga teacher Miss Saroja said soup means good relaxing sleep will come.

Last five days I am doing all this. Today morning I stood on weighing machine and Eureka 4 kg lost. I ran to kitchen and said, “Kamalam, my dear, Kamalam, my darling, weight is reduced by 4 kg. It is a miracle.”

She said, “Old man, I checked my weight this morning. Small adjustment problem was there. I repaired it. Before it was showing wrong weight. Now it is correct.”

Madam/ Sir, fridge is full of curd, ginger, honey and lemon. Whether anybody in your office is wanting? Please take and go.

Yours in exasperation,

J. Mathrubootham

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Printable version | Jan 25, 2020 2:40:02 AM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/columns/lunch-and-all-is-fraud-of-us-government-to-increase-farmer-business-says-mr-mathrubootham/article30297904.ece

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