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Election fever for J. Mathrubootham

Respected Madam/ Sir,

Today I want to tell you one Panchatantra. Listen carefully.

Once upon a time there was a retired bank employee Mathrubootham. Very respectable man. He woke up in the morning and went to his wife and said, “Hello wife how are you, what and all is the latest developments?”

And immediately wife said, “Old man Lok Sabha election is happening and you are asking what is the update? Whole Ramayana you have finished reading and you are asking any monkey-based characters are there? You will only read Alistair MacLean or some current affairs you care for? Nonsense. Sit quietly and eat puttu I have made from internet recipe.

So this old man thought, too much politics in the house, I will go to neighbour’s house. So he went to his neighbour Dr. Shankaramenon’s house. “Hello doctor,” he said, “what are the developments? Any new programme in Netflix? Any new YouTube videos?” Immediately Madam/ Sir, Dr. Shankaramenon is jumping on head as if Anju Bobby George.

“Oh my god Mathrubootham, who has time for Netflix and all when whole country is full and full election. What is your analysis? Who will win in Tamil Nadu? Who will win in Uttar Pradesh? Whether Lingayat factor will come into play in Karnataka? What are your thoughts, I have many psephological thoughts.”

Not my cup of tea

Immediately, the man left from Dr. Shankaramenon’s house and went downstairs to nearby tea shop and sat on bench. He told the tea-maker, “My friend, please give one newspaper. I want to read news with peace of mind.”

“Of course,” tea-maker said. “Take tea and take newspaper, but uncle what newspaper and all. Election only news. Whether you have decided who to vote for? ADMK, DMK, PMK, NPK, MDMK, TMC, GST, NFC, TTDC, KPN, MRI, TTK, USA, CCCP...”

By that time the bank employee has already left tea shop and is running and running to nearby house of one other friend. He went inside and told Mr. Mohammad Usman directly in the face. “Hello Usman, don’t even utter one single word. First of all, you listen to me. I have come here for some relaxation. Let us talk football or cricket or tennis or anything. But not even one word about politics, I am fed up, whole country has gone mad.”

Usman said, “Totally no problem, Mathrubootham. Please come and sit down I will make tea or coffee or something.”

Mathrubootham said, “Have you seen IPL this year?”

Usman said, “Little bit I am seeing now and then Chennai will definitely win.”

Mathrubootham said, “That is what everybody is saying. But I think it will be a little bit tight, people are laughing at Hyderabad, but maybe they can do one surprise performance and win also.”

Usman said, “Why not, why not, anything is possible in IPL.”

Usman came with tea and put it on teapoy. Mathrubootham looked outside window and said, “It is very hot day, Usman.

He replied, “Yes, yes, very hot.” Then total silence during drinking of tea.

Mathrubootham said, “Have you seen any new films?”

Usman said, “No some TV serial, nothing else.” Then again silence for five minutes.

Mathrubootham said, “Bloody fool, Usman, better to make friends with that money plant on top of your TV than useless fellow like you, you can’t even think of one topic to talk with lifelong friend? Nothing is there?”

“One thing is there,” Usman said.

“Oh thanks to Guruvayoorappa, what is it Usman?”

“Mathrubootham, let us talk about Lok Sabha. What do you think about youth factor? Any thoughts?”

Immediately bank employee came back to his house and sat in the bedroom and locked the door.

Madam/ Sir, what is the moral of the story? You can run and run from election news. But election news will definitely follow you and find you like LIC agent. No escape no escape no escape.

Yours in exasperation,

J. Mathrubootham

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Printable version | Jun 18, 2021 8:47:28 AM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/columns/election-fever/article26818197.ece

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