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All India Let Us Laugh at Mr. Mathrubootham Rascals Association

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Image: Getty Images/ iStock  

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‘After 15, maybe 20, years of meritorious service, Ajanta alarm clock decided this morning that enough of earthly life, time to move to paralokam. It stopped around 7.45 a.m. Time of death’

Respected Madam/Sir,

What is the time for meeting of Seniors’ Intermediate Yoga Club’s monthly hotel trip to Ganga Sweets? 10 o’clock in the morning. What is the time when myself Mr. Mathrubootham arrived at above mentioned Ganga Sweets? Only 11.15. What happened to nose? It is fully cutting from shame.

As soon as I walked inside, Mohammed Usman said, “Mathrubootham hahaha! You are more than one hour late. No wonder public sector bank accounts books and all reading is more horror than Stephen King novel.” One after the other, everybody else made nonsense comments. Even waiter at Ganga Sweets said, “Sir, if you come late means Ras Malai will be there or no?”

Madam/sir, humiliation means total humiliation. And whether there is any reason for this humiliation? Yes, I will tell what happened. First of all Mrs. Mathrubootham got up early morning itself and said, “Old man I am going to go for morning walk with Ladies Association Standing Committee members.” I said, “Hahaha then why you are walking, you should be standing. Otherwise call it walking committee haha.” She also laughed like anything and poured all my tea into kitchen sink and went for walk.

I thought, ‘OK, what is the time? Oho it is seven. I will sleep for just one more hour.’ I put time on alarm clock and went to sleep. Then what happened? Tragedy of all tragedy madam/sir. After 15, maybe 20, years of meritorious service, Ajanta alarm clock decided this morning that enough of earthly life, time to move to paralokam. It stopped around 7.45 a.m. Time of death.

And then what happened to Mr. Mathrubootham? Due to living blameless life and never causing any harm to even mosquito and not doing any fraud during bank job and not paying any bribe whatsoever in whole life except traffic police, I am everyday sleeping very relaxed sleep. Why not? Conscience is clear.

Madam/sir, I woke up at 10:30 a.m. Immediately tsunami of shame is coming into my heart. One old memory of humiliation came in mind. Shall I tell? I will tell. In 1998 or maybe 1999 I thought I will go to Guruvayoor Temple. I booked lodge room and all. Then I took train from Chennai to Thrissur. Maybe Trivandrum Mail. Maybe Alleppey Express. I reached Thrissur comfortably by sleeper. Then I spent some time in Thrissur looking at temple, church, museum and all. Then I took one KSRTC bus from Thrissur to Guruvayoor.

Madam/sir I got on bus and sat in comfortable seat near window. Then I purchased ticket from conductor and said, “Thambi, please wake me up near Guruvayoor.” Then I went to sleep. Madam/sir, did conductor wake me up? Never. Bus is changing conductor after some time. Did new conductor wake up Mr. Mathrubootham? Never. What is new conductor knowing? Did I myself wake up? Yes. In Guruvayoor? No. I woke up in one place called Kotakkal famous for Ayurvedic massage two hours after Guruvayoor. One whole day wasted.

Immediately after Ganga Sweets meeting of All India Let Us Laugh at Mr. Mathrubootham Rascals Association, I went to nearby shop and said please give one alarm clock. They said old man, what you are talking as if 1975. Today nobody using alarm clock. Please put alarm on mobile phone, we will teach how.

So I came home, put alarm for 7.30 and went to sleep. Then what happened?

Madam/sir, due to a.m./p.m. mistake, I woke up at 9.45 a.m. only.

Humiliation is unbearable these days. But I am feeling very fresh.

Yours in relaxation,

J. Mathrubootham

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Printable version | Dec 7, 2019 3:01:29 AM | https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/columns/all-india-let-us-laugh-at-mr-mathrubootham-rascals-association/article30049826.ece

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