100% spurious MBBS

‘Excuse me, Mr. William Shakespeare. What does the bottle say?’

November 04, 2017 04:05 pm | Updated November 05, 2017 08:22 am IST

Respected Sir/Madam,

You just sit quietly and listen to me. No need for your smart comments.

So tell me, sir/ madam, what is the use of having MBBS degree and posh office and nurse like Sirimavo Bandaranaike and fish tank in your waiting room and 70mm diagram of intestine on the wall and luxury car that is bigger than Pondicherry if you are going to give your patients useless medicines?

As you may be aware, I have been having mild digestive complaints for last few days ever since Mrs. Mathrubootham went on Mysore trip and I had to manage the kitchen. She said then itself, old man you don’t try cooking, eat some MTR packets and all. Stop talking your non-stop nonsense, I said of course. One MTR packet has three tablespoons of curd rice. I will need minimum three packets for dinner. Whether I am J. Mathrubootham or J. Murugappa Group?

For one week, I cooked wide variety of dishes using Samaithu Paar cookbook and Internet recipe and YouTube videos. For some time everything seemed very fine. And then little bit, little bit, problems started emerging.

Sir/ Madam, I do not want to sully the reputation of this esteemed newspaper with crass third-rate languages. So let me just express the situation as follows.

During our housing colony resident’s association meeting, every 15-20 minutes, I had to go for quick evening walk outside and then come back. Finally, when Mrs. Mathrubootham came back from Mysore, she said you please either go to Dr. Kamat for emergency treatment or give me divorce, I will go back to Nagercoil, but I can’t live in this house any more, it feels like Indane depot.

Dr. Kamat gave me one medicine. I followed all the instructions. Was there any improvement? One big zero. So I called him up on the phone. Hello doctor, what nonsense medicine you are giving? First of all, it is like water, thinner than Vadivelu. Secondly, zero effect. If my wife throws me out of the house, shall I come and sleep under your stupid fish tank?

He said calm down. Did you follow instructions on medicine bottle? Yes of course doctor. Did you shake it well before use? Yes, of course, two or three hours before having itself I shook it properly.

And then this bloody fellow who is 100% spurious MBBS from management quota correspondence course in some illegal institute like John Hopkins Selvarajan University started laughing on the phone.

Sir/ Madam, this man has the bravery to tell me that I am reading the instructions wrongly on the bottle. Ok, sir, you tell me. He said I should shake just before use.

Excuse me, Mr. William Shakespeare. What does the bottle say? Shake well before use. And that is exactly what I did no? I shook it nicely well before I was supposed to use it. He said no no no no no. You are supposed to shake it well just before use.

Doctor, whether the word ‘just’ is there on the bottle? Or only in your imagination like your MBBS degree?

Anyway tomorrow, I have to find a new family doctor.

I am very upset. These days nobody is communicating clearly. Doctor is useless. Wife is useless. Children are useless. And Internet recipe is 100% nonsense. In the printed matter, they will say one cup of rice and two tablespoons of sugar and three teaspoons of garam masala and all. But in the video below, story is changed completely. Rice is in bowl, garam masala in tablespoon, onion is missing, and chilli powder suddenly appears from nowhere without any warning like electricity bill.

How normal, professional people are supposed to follow such useless instructions.

Sir/ Madam, I have to urgently step outside for two minutes, but in conclusion, I would be very much obliged if you could provide detailed precise recipe for pappali kai poriyal .

Yours, in severe indigestion,

J. Mathrubootham

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