Respected Madam/ Sir,
How are you? What has Mr. Mathrubootham done today? Who is latest victim of his irritation? This only you are thinking?
Okay you shut up.
Yes, today also only one person is victim of Mr. Mathrubootham. Any guess who? Correct answer is Mr. Mathrubootham only. Self goal means total self goal. Whether any need was there for self goal? Zero. Just Kali Yuga. No other explanation is there.
Till lunch time absolutely zero problem. Totally normal Corona type day. Waking up. Little bit yoga. Twenty minutes esteemed newspaper. Breakfast. Plant watering. Talking to neighbours from balcony. Little bit DVD. Some reading. Some house cleaning. Then lunch. No tensions. What is difference between retirement life and Corona life? Increased chance of beatings from police hahaha.
After lunch suddenly strong crossword feeling is coming after long. I called out, “Kamalam, where is the newspaper? Whether any crossword is there?” She said, “Old man, when you were standing in balcony and shouting at Dr. Shankaramenon like crow in the morning, I am sitting and doing Hindu crossword like decent people. If you want, you take old newspaper and do.”
At that moment my second son gave unnecessary advice. (Hope you still remember my second son.) He is working from home fulltime. Who knows what he is doing. Whole day he is sitting in front of computer typing takatakataka. And from somewhere money is coming into bank account every month. Every day I am asking, “Kamalam what he is doing whole day? Shall I go and ask? And she will say no need. If you don’t know then tomorrow if there is police case only one of you will go to jail. If both of you go at once, then how much time to waste coming to jail once a month for him and once for you? No need. I have other activities to do.”
This same son entered and said, “Appa, appa, what you are talking like Vasco Da Gama era. Who is doing crossword and all in newspaper these days? What is the need when there is smart phone?” I said, ok fine, no need for UGC TV programme type lecture.
Madam/ Sir, phone has no charge so I am putting it for charging. I can wait but brain is full of crossword. Immediate immediate. So I said, “Kamalam please give your phone, I will put Crossword app.” She said, “Fine. But if you touch anything else means I will put Vim in your tea.”
Madam/ Sir, while Crossword app is downloading I thought I will play Candy Crush. Then tragedy of tragedies happened. When moving app from one place to another totally by mistake I am deleting Candy Crush from Mrs. Mathrubootham phone. Just like that. One moment it is there. Next moment it is gone. I started to panic like anything. Candy Crush for Mrs. Mathrubootham is like sandalwood for Veerappan.
Immediately I went into bedroom and closed the door. I said, please don’t disturb. Time for fully focus on crossword, excuse me. Then Madam/ Sir, I played Candy Crush for four hours till I reached same level as Mrs. Mathrubootham: Level 243. And then after quickly doing 2-3 crosswords, I came out and said, “Ayappa too much enjoyment I have had with Crossword app. Kamalam you also try.”
Then just 15 minutes later she said, “My god this is best app in whole world. I am enjoying like anything. Finally found one game better than stupid Candy Crush. It is good for brain also.”
Then, just like that, she deleted Candy Crush and started doing Crossword.
I went back into the bedroom and lay down on the bed quietly.
Yours in exasperation,
J. Mathrubootham
