I do not know if there is a term called ‘positive obsession.’ But what I have realised is that obsession, even if it originates from care or concern, hurts my relationship with the recipient of my ‘obsession’.
A friend shared with me, details of an illness he was going through. As I had suffered similarly, I recommended he see a doctor and arranged for him to meet the doctor. My friend kept putting off the meeting even though I reminded him of it several times. On one occasion, he cut me short by telling me that I was obsessed with his not seeing the doctor.
I received his remonstration as an assault and backed off. I assumed I had interceded from concern, yet he experienced it as ‘obsession’. I realised that this was how I tend to react when my mother insists that I visit a doctor when I feel unwell.
While persisting with what I think is important, irrespective of what the recipient may think, even if the intention is to support, help, maybe assist, if the intent is received otherwise, the reaction is hurtful and misinterpreted as ‘obsession’.
I am also aware that obsession can also be received as being ‘pre-occupied with self’ and as my need. It tends to reflect insensitivity, and thus the one who is experiencing it feels smothered.
Unfortunately, the line between genuine concern and obsession is ‘fuzzy’ and therefore it behoves me, to be ‘concerned’ about how I come across.
Any form of ‘obsession’ tends to be unhealthy and impacts the relationship in a ‘not very positive’ way.
The writer is an organisational and behavioural consultant. He can be contacted at ttsrinath@gmail.com
