The problem with the world is that pioneers are always pooh-poohed. Like TN minister Sellur K Raju. Think of it, he used thermocol sheets to prevent water evaporation at the Vaigai Dam. Dammit, had he been from anywhere else, he would have been given a Nobel via WhatsApp. So it went wrong. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a brave move by an original thinker in desperate times.
We are on the verge of the worst drought in 150 years. Let’s take inspiration from him, and defeat it. Presenting eight brilliant, low-cost, copyright-free ideas.
Fire Lake Evaporation Technique
These days, lakes and ponds are casually catching fire. Like a skilled martial artist, we must use the enemy’s strength to our advantage. Collect whatever remaining water we have in large metal containers and boil them over the lake fires. The water will turn to steam, gather in a large cloud, hit the cool surface of our air-conditioned skyscrapers and, violà, give us wonderful, life-giving rain!
IMFL Recharge Pits
This is a two-birds, one-stone deal. The fine, upstanding men of drought-ridden regions will drink up all the available alcohol in a co-ordinated manner. (They won’t need much persuasion.) They will then congregate at the special recharge pit and urinate in unison. The built-in condenser will separate the water from the alcohol. The water will be redirected to the rivers to be used by big industries. The alcohol, distilled in powdered form, can be mixed with rice, and eaten with a dash of ghee.
Seeding the IT Cloud
It’s time these IT @*!*#* did something for us after luxuriating in tax holidays, and stealing our marshlands and lakes. There has been much talk of their great big ‘cloud’. Well, so far, no one has seen any evidence of it. What’s the point of having a stupid old cloud if it doesn’t precipitate? Make it give us rain. Seed it, coax it, incentivise it, whatever. Who cares? Either the cloud gives us rain or we’ll shut you down.
Water Harvesting of Rain Songs
At any given time, there are hundreds of rain songs being shot by our multiple film industries. Like the river linking project we’ve been talking about for years, link all the run-offs of these song shoots and redirect the water to our homes. I, for one, have no issues drinking Tamannaah or Kajal Aggarwal’s bathwater.
Tearful Face Emoji Recycling
Social media is full of so many compassionate, sensitive folk. They put up such caring teary-faced emojis for everything. Now there’s a source that’s being overlooked. I’m pretty sure all those digital tears are being diabolically directed to Mark Zuckerberg’s garden, and helping deal with the drought in California. Bring back those tears, I say. They are ours. We need them.
Wet Blanket Water Extraction
Whatever you say or do, there’s always a guy telling you why it won’t work, right? So that must be about 50% of our population. Gather them all, and put them through an industrial wringer. In one shot, we have fresh water and dry blankets (which could be used as material for fashionable summer clothes). Pure genius.
Flash Mob Rain Dance
Large groups of people, eager for FB likes and YouTube views, togged in fashionable attire will be sent to drought-hit areas to dance without preamble to ‘Vaan Megam’, ‘Vaana, Vaana, Velluvaye’ and ‘Tip Tip Barsa Paani’. Either we’ll get rain or they’ll be claimed by dehydration. End result: more per-capita H2O. Win-win, if you ask me.
Photoshop
If all else fails, let’s photograph ourselves in our self-created deserts and Photoshop the Baahubali waterfall in the background. This option is perennially available.
