Youngsters in the city are always hanging out with friends, but are they really socialising? Apparently not, especially when going on a date. Hanging out with friends and dating a girl demand vastly different skills, says Varun Mannava, a dating coach. Yes you read that right, he is a dating coach who conducts workshops and individual sessions to help young men (aged from 20-35) build a healthy relationship with a girl by dating them, the right way. He should know, considering that he organised speed dating sessions in Gurgaon and Hyderabad and also written (self-published) two books in the rare genre of pickup lines and dating advice.
Intrigued, we ask ‘why is a dating coach needed?’ Varun explains, “Education does not teach us the two most important life hacks — How to make money and How to find your life partner. We learn them through personal experience, or through books or mentors. There is no real need for a dating coach if everyone knew this upfront. Some guys have the luxury of time and resources right from their teenage, some have an instinct/ knack for this. Most others are focused on getting a good job and earning money and never think about the right approach. Much later, when they feel they have accomplished enough in their career, they tend to think of their personal life. We just want everything to fall into our laps without putting the right effort. As a dating coach I teach them the right approach by refining their basic understanding about themselves first, their strengths, their weaknesses, their overall understanding and expectations about dating.”
South-North divide
A Telugu boy who was born in Vizag, grew up in Chennai and moved to Gurgaon for a career in finance, Varun realised how a conservative or close-knit family and conservative society pose challenges when trying to get a date from a girl at a party. He says, “Hyderabad became a metropolitan after the IT boom, but natives here have always been conservative, like in Chennai. Though it has worked wonders for generations from a cultural point of view, Mumbai and Delhi NCR are way different when it comes to speed dating and socialising at parties. With all my socialising experience I personally could not make as many new friends here in Hyderabad (even in 2017-18) as I would have made in Delhi NCR / Mumbai during the same time. The crowd here is more private, even in public hangout places. They are not looking to make new friends or clean funny conversations unless it is within their group.” He is however optimistic. “Hyderabad is spreading its wings. The floating crowd is not as conservative as the native crowd and it normalizes the otherwise hostile parties!”
In Hyderabad, men are territorial about their women, perhaps out of insecurity. They don’t like their girl to socialise with other men; some don’t even introduce their girl to close friends.
Dating can be decent
Trust is an important factor when dating. Not only is it important for a guy to be a good conversationalist and be patient, it’s also about respecting the woman’s space.
Even in an age of Tinder and social media dating, one still seeks deeper, meaningful relationships. Tinder and social media dating lack depth. Even Tinder is realising this and organizing offline meetups from time to time. Other dating apps are following suit. Varun says, “Indian speed dating setups are somewhat meaningful, unlike in the West where they lead to one-night stands. Our events are not shady. Some filtering and matching for compatibility does take place before the meetup.”
Finally, Varun advocates three Cs to be successful in dating — Confident personality, Casual approach, Contact to communicate regularly.
Some Dos and Don’ts
* Fresh from a break up? Digest the pain and move on. Don’t repeat old behavioural patterns.
* Are you a nerd? Develop a complete personality to be a good conversationalist.
* Getting friend-zoned too often? Step out of that zone, fast.
* Don’t flirt, or start sexting, before you have built a good rapport.
* Being judged by friends and family for being liberal? Don't get intimidated
