‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can change, and wisdom to know the difference.'
The only thing we can change is ourselves and it is not easy. Yet we set out to change others. When we do so, we invite trouble and frustration. People will resist it if they sense that we are trying to change them.
Therefore, change what we can — ourselves. Perhaps then we can influence others to change.
But do we believe we can change? Many people are unsure of this. They often cover up their refusal to change because they fear change. We are comfortable with what we have and what we are and with our life situation. It may be a miserable situation but there is security in nourishing it. If we change we are not sure what the future will bring or whether we will like this change. We become anxious about the situation and so return to being who we are.
One does not change for three reasons:
1. I don't see benefit in it
2. I am doubtful of the outcome
3. I fear I will lose something
Yet changing ourselves means we love ourselves. People consider an attempt to change an admission of weakness. Instead it is a form of honesty, strength and maturity. When we change, we influence others to change and we do this by breaking patterns of behaviour, by not playing the games we are used to and thus find new ways of relating. When are open to change, we establish a healing power in our transactions and thus, foster relationships.
(The writer is an organisational and behavioural consultant. He can be contacted at ttsrinath@vsnl.net)
