At a recent family get-together, when someone came up with the old ‘values auction' game (where each person gets assigned a fixed lot of fake currency and needs to use that to ‘bid' for different ‘values', on sale) the entire gang was, within minutes roaring, howling and back-slapping each other in glee. Needless to add there was full-scale cheating while bidding for ‘truth and integrity' and cheap coercion tactics used by the older folks for winning the ‘freedom' value. Voices (and backs) were sore by the end of the bid for spirituality, prestige, family, security, love, friendship, responsibility, recognition, popularity, self-esteem, knowledge, happiness. If we were to translate these morals into everyday life — we smirk condescendingly while whizzing past the guy who waits patiently at an early morning red-light at the traffic signal; there's that indescribable adrenaline rush that follows when you bolt past a slow grandmother, with our bagful of groceries, just so we could reach the billing counter seconds before her.
We live our daily lives frantically currying favours with colleagues, peers and friends, juggling child-rearing and parental expectations — often compromising, giving in or setting (strong or weak) examples — so do we really have the time these days to care for values? Are we, with each passing generation allowing a slow, steady and almost imperceptible degeneration in the moral fabric that binds us? And are we camouflaging it all in the name of progressiveness?
Says Fr. Paul D Souza, principal of St. Vincent Pallotine School, Bangalore, “Values are eternal; they simply cannot be compromised”, adding that making values a practical part of our everyday lives is not difficult. “So many values such as respect for elders and authority, timeliness, discipline and moderation can be inculcated in kids by setting aside strict timelines for TV, games and dinner. What I find disturbing in my interactions with parents is that children in most homes are the decision makers — deciding what the family eats or which channels on TV to watch!”
He says that parents “need to be authoritative and set down ground rules, even though it may be more difficult” while quoting a recent example of an eighth grade student who used to spend hours (unsupervised) on a social networking site, with hundreds of “virtual friends” whom he had never met in his life.
T. Zacharias, a young dad agrees saying that imbibing such values in children these days is very difficult, “not just because of pressures from peers, social media such as TV, Internet and movies but parents, being primary influencers, are unable to devote time and so in an attempt to assuage their guilt end up giving in easily.
“Every passing generation has the ability and the inclination to push the envelope a little more, with respect to values and morals.” “If you want your child disciplined, then you got to get up at six am and sleep at half past ten, if you want them to imbibe sincerity and truthfulness you can't gossip and crib about relatives, ” says Deepa Vishwas, another young parent. “Children simply learn what they see!”
Fr. Paul also adds, “Parents need to allow the child to experience the stress that is wont of his/ her age - something as trivial as tying a shoe-lace for a four-year old or the cursive writing regimen for a six year old. Intervening to “protect” provides temporary solutions which inculcate negative values like dependence and lack of self-confidence and create an escapist mentality, which, with passing years and bigger traumas can even manifest itself in extreme cases such as child suicide.” He adds, “Parents need to constantly keep a tab on what they feel is right and decide and act according to it, however difficult it may seem.”
INSTILLING VALUES
While parents, teachers and immediate care-givers are deemed primary imbibers and influencers of values in our growing years, let's not under-estimate the power of peers and social media
Parents need to be assertive and authoritative in laying down the ground rules, and most importantly follow these on their own – children imbibe what they see, not just what they are told
Values are eternal – there is no compromise for them in the name of ‘progressiveness'
