Lights, camera and love!

February 22, 2012 06:19 pm | Updated 06:19 pm IST

Romancing for the camera.

Romancing for the camera.

Let me tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about these ultra sappy and uber dumb love stories that are REALLY frequent when you're referring to Indian cinema.

The movie generally begins with a song, where people just dance because the hero is dancing. Our dear hero, the protagonist, is of course, the guy who's left without any job. His hobbies include spending the day in the tea stall with his ever faithful gang of friends, smoking his lungs out, and going for frequent rides in his cool bike. These activities comprise the daily life of the hero. But wait. All this is the case, until he sees the heroine.

Enter lady love

The heroine is a very bubbly and chirpy little girl, generally belonging to a well-to-do family. This heroine walks across the tea stall, where our hero is standing as usual. The hero looks at her and from somewhere, arthropods, mainly butterflies, start flying in his stomach. A cool breeze starts to blow despite the fact that the sun is perpendicular to the hero. All his friends (Yes, they're always with him, much like the Hutch dog) are chattering away, but he is oblivious to all that. All he can imagine is himself teleported to some alpine region where the dream girl stands, ready for a duet.

We'll fast forward the duet. And we'll also be fast forwarding the coming duets.

Back to the story. The heroine doesn't like the hero in the beginning. But then, SUDDENLY, she falls head over heels in love with him (I often think this is a consequence of the annoyance caused by the hero's repeated attempts at “correcting” her, as opposed to the…um…ok, there's no reason given in the film as to why the heroine suddenly falls for the hero).

Enter the baddie

Love is never interesting without a villain right? This time, the villian is...wait for it...the heroine's father! That was so unexpected right? From here on, the story encompasses the various struggles of the leading pair, in all of which the heroine's father (normally a drug lord or a minister whose hobby is hiring goons to chase some poor people and slaughter them) is the pivotal character.

This malicious antihero somehow finds out about his daughter and her beau. Considering the villain's background, if I were the hero, I would have just acted like I'd gotten amnesia, tell the heroine that I didn't know who she was, and just fled the place. But the hero is called one for a reason, the reason being his belief in true love and bravery. Wait now. Here comes another duet. Fast forwarding. Yes, so that's done.

After this, there are a series of more than pointless scenes and then comes the “inspirational” song. This is the song where the hero is, well, inspired to fight Mr.Baddie daddy. This happens and that happens and then, before you can blink, the villain is dead and the heroine is pretty pleased about the demise of her father. And these two lovesick puppies get married. There is a song here also, a celebration themed one. Nothing much happens, people just dance. Curtains closed.

So, what do we derive from this brief story? The heroine is a total imbecile, who actually falls in love with a hero who's got no source of income, and all this in the name of “true love”. Who the hell are you filmmakers kidding? Oh, and please, henceforth let the heroine be someone with a brain.

ADITHI SHANKAR, X, DAV Girls Senior Secondary School, Gopalapuram

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