The world is divided into two people — those who can dance; and those who don't want to. Well, there's no such thing as a person who can't dance (*ahem ahem* *chokes*). Anyway, so you have two left feet, and are turning to advice columns to figure out how to fix your dancing blues. Ah, don't you worry, there's not a thing an advice column hasn't been able to fix. Always remember NOT to hog the dance floor. Always be the last to join, and reluctantly — because your pest friends have dragged you there. Once you're there, leaving it un-rocked will be just uncool. You have to rock it now. Here are five moves that will come handy
The Nod and & the Wiper:Everyone can nod, you do it all day. Just do that to the music. It's like acknowledging that you know the song, and are having a good time. Mouth the lyrics, the bits you know loudly, and continue nodding. Make sure you have a drink in hand. A drink that you truly want to enjoy, the drink that's making sure you don't go berserk on the floor. Or, at least, that's how it's supposed to look. So, your head's taken care of, your hands are full, and that leaves your leg. You know that thing the that wiper on your car does? Try doing that with your feet slowly by keeping your heels rooted. Do it for a couple of minutes, and you're set. Your default dance move is in place. It works for pretty much any number in a disco. This is your classy I-am-too-cool-to-dance move. Spend 90 per cent of your time at the club with this one
Work in your workout:Dance is about a rhythmic movement, and there's a natural rhythm in pretty much everything we do — work, gym or bed. So if you are a basketball player, hit the floor and play basketball minus the ball. Dribble, dribble, jump and shoot. Dribble, dribble, jump and shoot. If you just work with phones, take calls every few seconds, with alternate hands. If you are a geek who does no such physical activity at work, then you will make a great air-drummer. Just pretend you are typing and hit Enter every few seconds. But make sure you make it seem like a funny dance step by laughing at it yourself, and layer it with ‘the nod and the wiper' move. Use any of the following activities for variety — fly a kite, change a light bulb, walk like an Egyptian, imitate a snake charmer, practise your stretches from the gym routine, etc
Head Bang:This one requires you to shun all popular music, and to make this work, what you need is one of those dDeath / heavy metal T-shirts and an attitude to go with it. that goes with it. Or, at least, have long mane. Wait for that one metal track to explode, and let yourself loose head-banging. Do air-guitaring, drumming, whatever you want. No one cares because the rest of the crowd is anyway clueless about how to dance to a metal track. Just pretend you are at the concert and the crowd's come to watch you. Head bang till there's a serious threat of your neck snapping
Go slow:Pick the prettiest girl in your gang, and let her guide you for the dance. All eyes will be on her anyway, and slow dance just means you do justice to the romance and the mood of the song. Go down on a knee if you have to, stretch your arms wide like Shah Rukh Khan or just stand like a pole for her to dance around you
The mob is always right:This is the easiest and the surest way to rock the dance floor. The more the merrier. Start with the fisher-folk dance — that's all of you in a line lifting the right foot first and the left foot next in perfect sync. Then, the kuthu dance — with all the pelvic thrusts and obscene gestures with tongue between the teeth. If nothing else works, the train always does. Form a train and go around the floor, and watch every other clueless dancer on the floor join your madness
