Learn to rap. For that you'll have to work on your rhyme scheme. Here's an example: “Yo shady lady / Where you at? / My name's Freddy / I wear no hat / Let's get ready / And hit the frat...” You get the drift, right?
It's important to be animated. Move your hands, make gestures and pulse your body when you talk and rap. Get new moves. Maybe one of your flunkies can tickle you surreptitiously just to make you do the complicated jerky movements. You can't be a slob without any facial expression if you want to be a hip-hopper. Frown, pout and head bang and intersperse your sentences with Yo and Man
Dress the part. Bling it on. Wear a cap or bandana, a big jazzy big pendant, flashy belt, preferably one with your name flashing on it. Loose baggy pants, jackets with lots of gold embellishments, look at Bappida(Lahiri) for inspiration even though he isn't a hip hopper. Wear shades no matter what time of the night it is and never ever have a normal hairstyle — that means no side or middle partings. To cut costs, just take a pair of scissors and go berserk. At the end, whatever is left of your hair will become a trend
Acquire a swagger and a cool name to go with it. Names such as Paitandy etc. don't go with the image. Something catchy such as K-Pad, Pankyshanks or Cretinous monster, perhaps?
You need to work on your fan following. Throw wild parties. Maybe a hot tub-or jacuzzi themed party in your grand ornate bathroom. Gather an entourage. That might be the toughest thing to do given your musical skill's zero. Secretly pay them off and equip them with ear plugs to shield them from the terror that is your voice. Grab eyeballs. If your personality can't do it, do so by other means. Easiest would be to get a swanky car in blinding shades of orange, pink or purple or with tiger or leopard prints and colourful flash lights. Make your entourage drive while you sprawl yourself on the roof and wave and blow kisses while you drive past the city
