When Gallup (a research group) asked people if they would rather have a best friend at work or a 10 per cent pay raise, having a friend clearly won. Friends are good for you! And that's what you do most of the day anyway — collect as many friends as possible on social networking sites. So yay! A lot of people now finally have a life.
But sadly, with this cultural encouragement to amass people, you can miss the whole point. I seriously doubt if your new Facebook friends fit this definition. Friends: People who touch your heart, challenge your mind, inspire you to pursue your passions, double the good times, halve the bad times and make your life a happier and more fulfilling place to be. And that's not just my opinion. Gallup also found out that if you feel close to other people, you are four times more likely to feel good about yourself and life.
If you're now feeling twitchy because you're addicted to collecting people, you're not alone in your yearning to be surrounded by a crowd.
It's a trend these days. We're supposed to want more, more, more. We are always busy reaching for distant, dangling carrots, easily forgetting to appreciate the already gathered, perfectly fabulous ones, lying in a discarded heap at our feet.
But in terms of friendship, if you're too focussed on collecting people, you risk not enjoying the full love experience received from spending quality time with the quality folks you already know and love.
How can you increase the joy of friendship? I have three ideas:
1. It's not just who you know, it's how well you know who you know! The deeper your emotional connection, the higher the emotional rewards.
2. Gather as many relationships of shared virtue into your inner circle. How are you all alike in the ways that are important? Relationships of shared virtue, according to Aristotle, are the ones that bring true happiness. Focus on these relationships.
3. Look through your contact book and find your top five treasured people. Remember what you love about each and write or call him or her to share your admiration directly. Sounds uncool. I know. Do it anyway.
You know what? Do it now. And, do it tomorrow. More sincerely, more often.
singersuchi@gmail.com
(This is a fortnightly column on relationships)
