Author and academic Philip Hensher ‘came out’ in 1982, before “it even had a name”. Journalist and writer Sandip Roy broke the news to his family, once he hit his 30s and talk on marriage surfaced. Theatreperson and transwoman Living Smile Vidya agonised over her decision, because she was the sixth child at home, the much-coveted boy after five girls.
Each one of them came in with their histories, filled with angst, subtle discrimination, some blatant ill-treatment and a deep desire to love.
Gently nudging them to speak was yet another LGBT advocate, academic Manil Suri, author of the trilogy — The Death of Vishnu , The Age of Shiva and The City of Devi .
Suri was curious to know more about the lives of LGBT people in India, because it fell midway between the liberal countries and those that repressed sexual minorities.
Some lines of thought on the discussion…
Feelings of familiesMost LGBTs in India delay or don’t come out to avoid hurting their families.
Said Roy, “It was my mother who had to answer questions about when I was getting married, not me. In India, when you finally come out, the entire family goes into a large closet!”
Public perception“I know I am a woman, but do people see me as one? Also, they see in me a man, but do I feel like one?” asked Vidya, who spent sleepless nights asking God to “correct” her. “Then, I realised there are others like me, with the same stories, pain, and desires…,” she said. “We don’t crave public acceptance. Do you tell men and women on the road that you accept them? Why tell me?”
Hensher recalled a campaign in 2000 by The Independent to make gay people more visible. “It used to be difficult to find 50 people who’d put forward their names; now, we have people begging to be included.”
CuriositySuri and Roy said everyone was curious to know how homosexuals “did” things. “There’s so much literature available, but none visible,” said Suri. Roy spoke of how when he was checking out a modular kitchen, the showroom offered to wait for ‘madam’s approval’. “I don’t know what shocked them more, that there was no madam, or that a man without a madam wanted a modular kitchen.”
Painful prejudicesHensher spoke about how the voices of the LGBT community are usually ignored at work, in an understated way. When faced with prejudice, change the environment, he suggested. And, let people know that you know your right.
Roy said that because they inhabited different worlds at the same time; it was a matter of leaving one identity at the door and taking on another. “Many a time, it is about little challenges. On hearing a gay joke, do you react or bite your tongue?” Vidya spoke of difficulty in landing a job, because no one knew how to “handle” a transwoman.
Minority issuesThe LGBT community is a minority within many minorities, said Suri. “I’m an Indian, living in the U.S. I’m gay in a straight world; I’m a mathematician working in literature.” Roy was happy things are changing in this generation, when the LGBT community is part of the discourse, unlike “our times, when any article on gays had quotes by Ashok Row Kavi, hairstylist Sylvie and a psychiatrist, and silhouette photos to go with it!”
Fragile momentsFear of rejection is a constant in any fledgling relationship; LGBT bonds are no different. “You are vulnerable, and could be punched in the face for approaching someone,” said Roy. Vidya agreed. She’s begged on trains, but feels smallest when she’s brimming with love, and a man belittles her with certain ‘demands’.
