Standing out in a crowd

June 30, 2010 07:29 pm | Updated 07:29 pm IST

In every gathering, there is someone who seems to be a magnet for everyone's attention. Photo: P.V. Sivakumar

In every gathering, there is someone who seems to be a magnet for everyone's attention. Photo: P.V. Sivakumar

Tripti walks into a room and attention naturally turns on her. Tripti is not particularly good looking but she makes herself the cynosure of all eyes. She is not flashy but she stands out in the crowd. What is it about Tripti that makes her different?

In every gathering, there is someone who seems to be a magnet for everyone's attention. This person usually has a combination of self-confidence, charisma, an innate authority and more than anything, the ability to draw attention to oneself. Of course, there are people who draw attention to themselves by being loud, boorish and obnoxious!

How do you become the centre of attention? How do you stand out in a crowd and still be well-liked and admired?

Make a life plan

People who stand out usually have goals and work hard to achieve them.

They don't just want to become flotsam and jetsam in life's flood but want to hold the rudder themselves and steer towards what they want to accomplish. Define your goals; more important, formulate achievable targets. It is important that you dream big but equally important that you do not chase the unattainable fantasy.

People who stand out are very clear about their life plans. They do not let life push them from their stated goals. Even if there is a detour in their life's journey, they make the best use of that situation to learn a lesson. Then they make a superhuman effort to get back on track.

Life is tough: don't whine

It is not always easy to achieve our goals. The difference between those who stand out and those who just ran the race is that winners never whine. They may hate the situation they are in and they may suffer but they do so silently. They transform every adverse occasion into a model to learn from. Most importantly, they keep going when everyone else has given up.

Be charming when you don't have to be

People who stand out have a very strong streak of charm. People will flock to them naturally because they make people feel good about themselves. Winners are not stingy with praise and are generous with compliments.

The secret is that charismatic people are kind and caring. They will go out of their way to make people feel at ease. There is a difference between being pleasant and polite to your boss and being courteous to the doorman — one expects it, the other is just grateful for it. To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling, you should be able ‘to talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings without losing the common touch'.

Learning to sell yourself

People are naturally drawn to people who can sell themselves. This cannot be done by bragging or forcing yourself on people. Being assertive, without being aggressive, is the key to convincing people about your abilities. Do not wait for people to ask you; be first in line to volunteer yourself for a task. If you don't tell people that you are the right person for the job, who will? This ability comes from confidence and faith in oneself. If you don't believe in yourself, who will?

Be a good listener

While being a good conversationalist is of prime importance in standing out in the crowd, being an empathetic listener clinches the deal. Body language speaks volumes. A good listener will lean forward, make eye contact and pay close attention to what the other is saying.

Poor listeners keep their arms crossed, lean away, keep fidgeting and their eyes will wander. If you want people to pay attention to you, you need to pay attention to them.

It's all in the packaging

Standing out in the crowd requires that you present yourself well. Whether we like it or not, people do judge us by how we dress and look. Giving consideration to how one appears is paramount to becoming an attention getter. Of course this does not mean we have to be flashy or flamboyant. Dressing well requires you to pay attention to your appearance at any gathering and being appropriately attired. And in the end add the foremost fashion accessory — a smile! That will open doors and truly make you stand out in the crowd.

The author is an obstetrician and gynaecologist practising in Chennai and has written the book 'Passport to a Healthy Pregnancy'.

www.passport2health.in

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