Practise music: If you are tone deaf, this tip is helpful. If you are a musically-inclined genius, well, skip to the next point. Pick up a random instrument (high-pitched ones, preferably!), and start your learn-it-yourself lesson immediately. A flute helps in case someone is chasing you — you can still keep playing while running
Be messy: Being messy is an art. Really! Only the enlightened can walk over yesterday’s half-eaten burger and the shorts they used last month, without flinching. Add to it a toppled waste-paper bin and a couple of curry stains on the carpet
Talk in parables: The key to making someone angry is to talk in circles, and never, ever getting to the point. If you have trouble going around in circles, start walking in circles! That might give you a headache, but it’s worth it. Totally!
Never use coasters: If you’ve watched “American Psycho”, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Christian Bale, a psychotic killer, gets very annoyed when a girl he invites home places a glass of water on his table without using a coaster. You can do that, but just make sure the person you’re trying to anger hasn’t got a butcher’s knife behind his or her back!
Public displayof affection: Well, the thing is, this is usually the weapon loved ones use to anger you. Don’t you remember the time when you were a teenager, and your mother wept and kissed you in public when you won a prize? Well, payback time! Let’s get those bear hugs and kisses rolling!
