During an interview with The Atlantic ’s David Bradley, PepsiCo’s CEO Indra Nooyi recently said, “I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. We pretend we have it all. We pretend we can have it all.” And appraising her role as a mother, added, “If you ask our daughters, I’m not sure they will say that I’ve been a good mom.”
This statement became a matter of debates and editorials. It was broken down, reassembled, examined and exploded and, almost just as quickly, it became old news.
But when one of the world’s most powerful businesswomen says that her success has come with a perceived price, and that it has taught her that women can’t “have it all” it’s much more than just news.
Contained in her statement are inherent assumptions, labels andconditions. There is also a sense of culpability; later in the interview she says, “You just die with guilt.”
Her comment was called ‘depressing’, ‘disheartening’ and ‘negative’. But the brutally honest admission also gained her a considerably large set of instant admirers.
Even though the dust has settled, the question remains: Can women hold on to both a highly demanding career and a family and not find themselves leaning one way or the other?
And what about men? Recently, Max Schireson, CEO of the MongoDB in the U.S., resigned from his job, citing the same problem Nooyi has battled. The headline that announced this piece of news was: “Male CEO chooses family over his job”.
If we think about it, what Nooyi did, essentially, was to point out a pretty simple fact: that it is tough managing what are, really, two full-time jobs. It’s difficult for women; but what she didn’t specify was that it is also difficult for men.
Avani Davda, CEO of Tata Starbucks, thinks that it is, ultimately, completely up to an individual — be it a man or a woman — to drive one’s career path in the manner that suits him or her. “One needs to be honest with one’s family and workplace and set the right expectations from the start. This is the key to a healthy work-life balance.”
Despite everything, the onus of parenting lands firmly on the woman’s shoulders. This is why constant questions on work/family balance are put to working women. It’s rare to find a man addressing this issue.
Talking about the women employees in his firm Hari Subramaniam, Managing Partner of a leading IPR law firm, Subramaniam, Nataraj & Associates (SNA), says, “Many of them are intelligent, highly qualified women. But when they are pregnant, they have no choice but to take maternity leave. And many don’t want to come back to work after their leave ends. I understand that it is a sacrifice that most women are compelled to make; it is unfortunate that that is the way it is.”
His wife, Shalina, also a partner at SNA, chose to stay at home after the birth of her children, but she acknowledges that, for her, it was an easier choice than it would be for more ambitious women. “I think it is also important to remember that I had that choice. I had a husband who was earning reasonably well and was willing to financially support our family single-handedly. Many women do not have that choice. In which case, regardless of their priorities, they have to sacrifice something either way.”
Parenting, even from my outsider point of view, looks like an immense responsibility; something that will be equally difficult and rewarding, and definitely something that can be done right by either parent. The assumption that a man may not be required much at home, and can, therefore, strike that elusive balance between work and family life is doing him a great disservice.
We understand when a woman chooses to quit her job and stay home with the children, but raise eyebrows when a man makes the same decision. Devaki Jain, Padma Bhushan awardee and feminist economist, says that these notions depend “on our view of the other roles that women traditionally hold or play, i.e., caring for their children or managing the food”.
Back in 1987, Lila Poonawalla became India’s first woman Managing Director at Alfa Laval. “Sometimes I had to travel almost six months in a year, and my husband would manage all by himself, without any complaints. There were times when he had to be out of home for long hours and I would wait for him much past midnight to come home so we could have dinner together. This is what life is all about. No one has it all, no matter who you are.”
Today, in the face of high-powered jobs that require round-the-clock attention and a family life that makes same demands, it is highly unlikely that we’d manage to devote the same time and energy to both. Naturally, the question of choices, priorities and sacrifices crops up. But, that added burden of gender thrown into the mix? That’s entirely man-made.
