Many things make us angry at home and in school. We aren't allowed to play with friends all evening, no TV or video games on school days, have to do home-work on holidays, low marks in some subjects… Can we fill ourselves with that bitter feeling every time something happens? No, because being very angry all the time is bad for physical and mental health. Doctors tell us that exploding in anger increases risk of strokes and heart attacks. Anger disrupts signals from the brain to the heart. Heartbeat becomes abnormal. Phew! Anger does kill.
When you are very angry, you breathe quickly and don't get enough oxygen. You try to gulp air and get chest pain. Muscles tighten, resulting in headaches. You can't sleep. Constant anger brings acids in the stomach. It slows down brain activity – you can't remember well, can't learn well. You are depressed. You don't think well and do foolish things.
What to do when things you don't like happen? One sure-fire medicine is to laugh them off. Laughter relaxes us, helps us to think about the problem calmly and see how we can solve it. Breathe deeply — in, out, several times. Talk. Talk to your teacher, friends, parents, family. Ask everyone: what is the answer to this problem? If you like to write, put your feelings down in a diary. Write a poem, draw, paint, exercise, play. Think. Your parents and teachers have problems too. Why not give them another chance?
Have you heard this story? This boy, let's call him Kapila, had a bad temper. He would shout at people, break things, tear books, rush out of the house. Because he wasn't thinking well when he was angry, he also got hurt.
One day, Kapila's father gave him a bag of nails. “Kapila, every time you said or did something bad in anger, drive a nail into the fence-post.” Kapila thought this would be fun. The first day he hammered in 37 nails.
The next day it was 40, the day after… Soon Kapila got tired of hammering nails. He decided to control his anger. The number of nails he hit came down slowly. Kapila found it easier to control anger than to drive nails into fences.
The day came when he had zero nails. He didn't lose his temper! His father said, “Great! Now pull out one nail for each day you are not angry.” Days passed and Kapila was finally able pull out all the nails.
The father said, “You have done well son, but look at the holes in the fence. When you say or do things in anger, they leave a scar like this one. Sometimes the damage cannot be set right. It won't matter how many times you say “I'm sorry”, the wound is still there.”
Kapila understood. He said, “Dad, can you forgive me for the holes I put in you?”
“Of course I can,” said the father.
Parents look out for:
Behaviour/academic trouble at school.
Problems in relationships with family and friends.
Isolation/withdrawal or unusual aggression.
Suicidal tendencies.
Hyperventilation
What you can do
Talk to them. If you are non-judgmental, they will open up.
Ask what he/she thinks of him/herself.
How good is his/her self-esteem, confidence? Assure them that it isn't wrong to be angry. But there are right ways to express anger.
Teach relaxation methods: Music, drawing, theatre, writing, deep breathing exercises, repeating a calming phrase, meditation.
Don't put the teacher down in front of kids. Try to help the kids cope with the situation. Does he need tuition, counselling?
Form/Join parent groups. Discuss methods of coping with troubled kids.
Teachers
Be careful about the language you use.
Never use words that hurt the child's self-esteem.
Keep your conversations with students solution-focussed. Remedials? Counselling?
Appreciate in public, chastise in private.
Make comments general.
Be in constant touch with the parents.
Report academic/behaviour problems at once.
