This week, brought with it, two seemingly separate incidents. Both incidents highlight the way communication has changed. The first scene takes place at a popular coffeehouse and the second incident takes place in a household and shows how complex it has become to communicate a simple message. Both these incidents might seem commonplace, but it is an interesting point to observe and reflect how we relate and talk to each other today.
Disconnected
Coffee shops offer a wonderful window into observing human behaviour and interactions. Besides treating oneself to a large dose of caffeine, it allows one to be privy to various stories and interactions. On a recent visit to a coffeshop, my attention wandered to a table next to mine. Four people were in the middle of a very intense conversation — not with each other but with the gadgets! Two of them were busy texting, their fingers nimbly dancing on their touchscreens. The third person was playing a videogame and the last member of the group was busy photographing the large cups of coffee and cake on the table. He then proceeded to upload the picture on a social application and paused for a moment to share it with the rest of his friends. Briefly one of them would look over and exchange a word and then literally return to his device. This lasted for a good 30 minutes before the group dispersed, all of them promising to catch up soon.
Communication has seen a rapid change in the past few years. Technology has made it possible to connect with people at a global level. You could exchange recipes with someone in Japan, upload photographs of your holiday and read the latest review of your favourite movie all at the same time. The responses may be measured in seconds and this form of “multi-tasking” is increasingly gaining momentum. However, like all tools, it can also present a Pandora box like dilemma.
Is accelerated communication diminishing the quality of communication? Are we just rushing from one thought process to another, without actually taking the time to slow down, reflect, introspect and ponder? Have we forgotten the art of conversation?
Traditionally, coffeehouses have been places where people meet, exchange, ponder and debate over endless cups of caffeine. Historically, a lot has happened over coffee. They were (and still are) places where ideas for novels have been born, political ideas discussed and on a more personal level people have sought solace – from a broken heart to failing an examination! These spaces of conversation are important because besides verbal exchange, you are engaging in non-verbal communication. The tone of your voice, body language, silences interrupted by a sudden gush of thought, eye contact... All these enhance the quality of conversation. Increasingly, we are using gadgets in these spaces and in doing so losing out on the most important quality of interaction — being present, being aware. In the incident above, four people were meeting to connect, only to be distanced. The irony is that they were more “connected “in the virtual world than in the real space they inhabited.
Intrusion of gadgets
In the second incident, a friend was telling me a story, in which the family she visited, communicated within the household, through gadgets. Texts were sent from one room to another to ask each other things like, “What’s for dinner?” She was most amused to see the mother using a cell phone to call her daughter who was in her room upstairs!
During dinner, nobody seemed to talk to each other. They were constantly bombarded by beeps and pings from all their individual gadgets. Mealtimes offer a space where people share their daily experiences — a fight with a friend, traffic jams, and a tough lecturer to informal reviews about the latest book, movie or music. Again, the irony was that these were being exchanged on social platforms to a global audience, yet there was such a “distance” with the person sitting right next to them.
Like children who have been given new toys to play with, perhaps we need to define for ourselves how and when we use these mediums of communication. We need to set our own boundaries that will help us enjoy the essence of personal communication. The next time, you meet up with a friend or family member, it would be interesting if you could mutually agree to switch off your devices. Engage in conversation and be fully present — it is a great opportunity to practise your listening skills. You will be fully engaging with the person and in letting thoughts and ideas wander, you will begin to enjoy the essence of sharing. Reach out and hold your grandmother’s hand while she narrates a childhood tale. Look into the eyes of a friend who is coming to terms with personal loss. Throw your head back in laughter as your cousin narrates how he bunked college to watch a movie only to find his lecturer sitting next to him. Listening and giving your attention is perhaps the best gift you could give someone. It makes them feel loved, worthy and visible.
No mobile day
All over the world, people are beginning to acknowledge the value of slowing down. In Texas, there is a theatre that bans cell phones and anyone caught texting during a film is ushered out. People are organising “mobile less parties” where guests are politely told to leave their devices behind. It would be interesting for you and your friends to give yourself a no mobile day challenge and experience life without your gadgets for a day. Resist the urge to communicate every single moment to the world. Instead, talk to your neighbours, share a tea with your vegetable vendor, observe life as it unfolds in front of you and you will gain wisdom that cannot be googled. Try it and share your experiences of a gadget-less form of personal communication.All the best as you ready, steady, slow!
Does this story speak to you?
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