1. Not everyone can be a mass hero. Before you even think of enrolling in an acting school or training to be an actor, ask yourself : “Are you God?” The answer has to be “Yes, I am.” If not, quit right away, you'll never make it.
2. Even before you sign your first film, make sure the city is flooded with larger-than-life cut-outs of you, ideally in white, smiling, with your arms folded, greeting your subjects with great humility from up there. These must contain the title you have conferred upon yourself, preferably in Tamil. Everything from Top Star, Little Star to Ultimate Star have been taken, and most combinations of Puratchi, Makkal, Tamizhan, Kalaignan, Thalapathy have been done to death. Hint: Look to the planets for inspiration — Mercury Nayagan.
3. Remember Thou Shalt Not Sign any film where you will be slapped by any other character in the film. Thou Shalt Not Play second fiddle to anyone in the film. Thou Shalt Only Portray the invincible, and your contract must entitle you to 30 per cent of your screen-time dedicated to walking in slow motion, 30 per cent towards dispatching 10 stuntmen (all heavier than you) miles away with just one kick, 30 per cent to heroines dancing around you, singing your praise or people showering petals on you as you walk by, and another 10 per cent for an appropriate build-up and introduction of Your Majesty… Cameras ought to go around you at least a hundred times in the film.
4. Ensure your worshippers have started work on a temple for you, and if you've not been able to convince them, announce that you've requested the confederation of all your fan clubs and welfare associations to contribute that amount to charity. And, that you have no intentions of entering politics ‘for now'. Simultaneously, your films must lash out against the establishment and showcase you as a messiah. It goes without saying that your movie title has to be named after you (ideally some avatar of God), and all characters in the film should refer to you by that name.
5. You need to brand yourself with a mudra — a gesture with your finger, easy for anyone to replicate. (Tip: All fingers, except the little one, are good, and if you can pull off the Vulcan salute, live long and prosper) Use this in your films and in reality, so it blurs the line between your real self and reel avatar. The day the first guy on the road greets you with that mudra, your transition from Human to Divine is complete.
