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Onslaught of bad jokes

June 21, 2014 05:43 pm | Updated November 17, 2021 12:08 pm IST

Saif Ali Khan and Tamannah in Humshakals

Saif Ali Khan and Tamannah in Humshakals

Trying to review or analyse this Sajid Khan film is like sending a child-crafted-claymated monkey for a brain scan and hoping to find proof of brain activity.

If there was any justice in this world, the review for this film, as a fellow critic friend suggested, would just be a photograph of critics making farcical tongues-out-retarded-squint-faces at the camera with the caption: Hum Pagal Nahin Hai, Humala Dimaag Khalaab Hai . (We are not mad. Our brains don’t work)

How do you react to what seemed like a lifetime’s supply of bad jokes?

Eye for an eye, joke for a joke and… a choke for a choke. So here we go.

What do you call a Sajid Khan fan?

You can call him anything. He’ll laugh.

What do you call a Sajid Khan fan or anyone who willingly buys a ticket to Humshakals ?

Himmatwala.

What do you call a Sajid Khan fan who thinks Humshakals is funny?

Don’t call. It might bite.

What do you call Saif Ali Khan in brief when he tells you bad jokes?

You SAK! (Abbreviation, okay?)

What do you call Saif Ali Khan acting like a squint-faced, lisping retard?

You still SAK.

What do you call Saif Ali Khan in drag?

SAK-She.

What do you call Saif Ali Khan acting gay?

Happily SAK.

Why do you call Riteish Deshmukh behaving like a dog on heat? (He humps a comedian’s leg to show his flair for physical comedy)

Hot dog.

What do you call Riteish Deshmukh acting like a squint-faced, lisping retard who is scared of electricity?

Current-ly challenged.

What do you call Riteish Deshmukh discharging buckets of his body fluids over Satish Shah hiding in the roof?

U-rain leak?

What do you call Ritesh Deshmukh in drag?

Pretty ugly.

What do you call Ritesh Deshmukh acting gay?

Saif-sex lover.

What do you call Ram Kapoor…

Fat. (Hey, all Ram Kapoor jokes in the film revolve around him being fat)

What do you call Ram Kapoor in quarantine as a hypochondriac with an OCD?

Fat. And Achoo-t. (Untouchable, also achoo is a sneeze… get it?)

What do you call Ram Kapoor as a Punjabi night club owner?

Chak De Fat-ty!

What do you call Ram Kapoor in drag instantly breaking a bed with sheer weight?

Bed & break fast?

What do you call girls in the film?

Victims.

What do you call this film where everyone wears the shortest of skirts?

A long drag.

What do you call a review of Humshakals when it goes to press?

Paper roast.

Film: Humshakals

Director: Sajid Khan

Cast: Saif Ali Khan, Riteish Deshmukh, Tamannah, Ram Kapoor, Satish Shah, Chunkey Pandey

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