How it happened
My father Prof. D.N. Mishra (a renowned mathematician) was also one of the founder members of the Lucknow Film Club. So in a way I grew up in the lap of cinema. In 1979 when I came to Delhi, I joined Badal Sircar. When you associate with such people your mind gets opened. He made me understand the deep emotional expressions and interpersonal relationships. More importantly he gave me the courage and understanding to question everything. It is not that he was imparting any kind of ideology. He made us question even the so-called radicalism of Soviet Union and China. Spending time with him made me realise that life escapes ideologies. With mentors like him there is always a probability that when your mind gets opened there are chances that you move away from him. It happened with me. I believed in what he said but was not in agreement with the form. I felt I would be able to convey it better through cinema. So I moved to Pune and later Mumbai. At Pune I would attend classes at FTII though I never joined the institute! I used to stay with my brother who was studying at FTII. It was a great learning experience. At Mumbai I would move in the company of Vinod Chopra, Kundan Shah and Saeed Mirza, who were also starting off. Television had yet to happen. NFDC was the only source for funding serious cinema. We used to give jobs to each other. I started as a screen writer for Kundan’s ‘Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron’ and Vinod’s ‘Sazaa-e-Maut’. ‘Jaane Bhi…’ has now become a cult film but at that time everyone thought we were indulging in some sort of pagalpan .
In the meantime I got funding from NFDC for my own project ‘Ye Woh Manzil To Nahin’. Set in North Indian political set up, it talked about the choices we make. I always wanted to put the point of view of people who betrayed heroes like Bhagat Singh. I weaved the story of four such oldies, looking for redemption. Having grown up watching the likes of Manohar Singh, B.M. Shah and Habib Tanvir on the Delhi stage scene, they were my obvious choices for the lead roles. And believe me it was not difficult convincing Habib sahib for the role. He liked the script.
How did it feel
I realised how good I was. Every youngster feels he is the best but when you actually go through the process reality beckons. I feel I was at least half as good as I anticipated. The response was favourable. I got the National Award for the debutant director. I was the new kid on the block. Aziz Mirza said after watching the film that he thought a 70-year-old had written the script! I was 26 then. However, there was little encouragement from the popular side of cinema. Only Javed Akhtar applauded the effort.
How life changed
The film was shown on Channel 4 and Japanese television network. So I was able to pay back NFDC’s loan in time. It used to be quite a task those days. As a result the second and third films were not difficult to make. The journey is still on. I am still searching for my manzil but I love the process. I am no longer the Sudhir of ‘Ye Woh Manzil To Nahin’. I don’t want to be. I don’t want to live in the past but I must admit not knowing the art well has its own advantages. That raw appeal of my first film could not be seen in my later work but I have tried to sustain my integrity, my voice. I don’t want to be fashionably Marxist or make an action film replacing the villains with terrorists and then go to the town claiming that my film deals with terrorism. I don’t sell pipe dreams. I want people to be rattled by the reality.
