“Everything that happened with the film vis-a vis me was quite bizarre,” recollects actor Manoj Bajpayee on his latest release, Gali Guleiyan that recently won him the best actor award at the Indian Film Festival of Melbourne. He got the script on the email from US-based director Dipesh Jain, someone was completely unfamiliar to him, and was also given a reference for him by Sikhya Entertainment’s Guneet Monga. This often happens to him when it comes to new, young, debutante filmmakers. “I read two lines of Dipesh’s email and opened the attached script and began reading on the computer, something I am not at all used to. I finished 50-60 pages in one go,” he says. Jain was asked to fly down from Los Angeles to Mumbai and the two had a four-hour-long chat on the script to eventually get together on the project.
Bajpayee prepared for the role in way he had not tried before. “I always get into the character, under his skin. For this role it struck me that if I managed to look sick, not through make-up, but if I actually lost weight I may just get there, I might get in to the mind of the man,” he remembers. “Just like I never focused in Aligarh on Professor [Ramchandra] Siras being gay but looked at all the aspects that made him the man that he was. Here I focused on the inner conflict of Khuddoos [his character rather] than on his mental illness. I never got in touch with a psychiatrist to understand the character,” he elaborates.
Along with the drastic weight loss, Bajpayee’s immunity went for a toss. He started falling sick. “But the more that was happening the more assured I was becoming [of the performance],” he laughs uproariously when remembering the extent to which he has gone as an actor for Gali Guleiyan . He didn’t let any of his innumerable family members and friends in Delhi know that he was shooting in the city. In keeping with his reel persona he didn’t feel like meeting people. “It started happening to me organically,” he looks back. He chose to lock himself in a small room, stayed on location. It became his eating, sleeping, resting place. “I was living Khuddoos,” says Bajpayee.
The actor’s reel disintegration of his complex character felt very real. And it was on day 28 of filming that Bajapayee felt a breakdown was impending. After the shoot Bajpayee slept for four-five hours undisturbed, the kind of sleep that had totally evaded him in the two months of preparation and shoot. No wonder he calls it the most intense acting experience of his life after Shool . “There are some roles you can’t escape from internalising; you have to risk everything for them. I literally went to the edge,” he says, “ Aligarh improved me as a human being. I don’t think I have seen a more kind person than Professor Siras. Playing Khuddoos has improved me as an actor. I often felt that the craft I had learnt all these years of being an actor just wasn’t enough. It urged me to go for something new,” he says.
It was natural for this conversation on one of his most challenging roles to branch further into the craft on acting. Excerpts:
Acting is...
Acting is the most difficult profession in this world though it is considered the easiest job in this country. Anybody and everybody thinks they can be an actor. It’s a bit like cricket. How everybody sitting in front of the TV set thinks Kapil Dev should have bowled off side. Acting is also viewed and reviewed thus. Underplay and subtle are two words used and abused so often that I am scared of reading them or using them myself.
Is it pretence or alternate reality?
It is living. As Barry John put it, acting is not about talking about it; acting is all about doing it. When you are doing it you are not pretending, you are being. When you try to be, the whole dimension and definition of acting changes. I don’t want to pretend to be somebody. I might do it when I am doing some hardcore masala commercial film. This is where the director demands you to pretend. When you pretend you play to the gallery.
The most rewarding thing about being an actor...
There are too many. So many powerful people just get up from their chairs. For what? You don’t have the charisma of a big star like Shah Rukh. On what basis are they giving you this respect? Purely because of your craft and the purity and sincerity with which you portray your characters.
The most frustrating thing about it...
You still have to work your backside off to release your independent films. It’s a herculean job to get it made and it’s an even more difficult job when it comes to releasing it.
The one quality an actor must possess...
Listening. It’s the finest art that an actor should and must possess. It can’t be that you talk about yourself all the time.
One trait an actor should absolutely not have...
Don’t be a nostalgic person. Don’t look back at what you have done. Learn to forget. I find it quite tortuous, I suffer internally when people keep talking about Satya and Shool. You have to move on. What is done is done. The world is changing. Look at the world cinema scenario, the performance scenario. With each and every new actor the game and craft of acting is changing completely. If you are not updated you will be left behind. Either you sit and bask in the past glory or you keep evolving. There are only two choices. I am always looking forward to my next. Then life becomes quite exciting.
Instinct or method?
Method. Instinct without method is reckless.
Actors are born/can be trained?
I have a different take on this. A talented but lazy person will reach nowhere. But a less talented and hard-working person will reach anywhere and everywhere. Kachhua aur khargosh [refers to the classic tale of the hare and the tortoise].
Auditions are crucial/a waste of time?
Very important. It has come as a blessing. It was never there in my time. We didn’t know where to go [for work]. Portfolios used to be unfailingly thrown into the dustbin. Directors didn’t have any idea of judging a talent. Whatever happened was due to sheer luck and coincidence. The emergence of casting directors has given a lot of opportunity, it has given a chance to anybody and everybody to showcase their talent.
What do you recollect of your first film audition? Or any other memorable audition?
If somebody asks me I still do auditions. I like it. I have done six films for Neeraj Pandey. We are very good friends. One subject that was very close to my heart, I heard he was going to produce it. My name was not popping up anywhere. One day I just called him and said I would like to audition for it. He was embarrassed.
What inspires you to pick up a role and reject another?
For me it’s very organic. Why did I do Satyameva Jayate? Purely because it engaged me in the narration. I never felt like yawning, I was completely with the script. That gave me enough reason to say yes to it.
An actor is a puppet in the hands of a director… Agree? Disagree?
We are not puppets but definitely it’s a director’s medium. It’s something no actor should forget. If a director is not agreeing with you, you should just surrender. He is looking at the bigger picture, you are concerned with only your character. Some directors, if they see some sense in my suggestions, then they do incorporate those ideas. Anurag Kashyap invariably incorporates the ideas that I give but Milap Zaveri rejected most of the ideas of mine. He told me this is not Aligarh, don’t think like Aligarh. It worked for his film.
An actor is a director in progress, a director in the making. Yes or no?
An actor should be very careful when it comes to direction. When it comes to technique your cameraperson will help you. It’s not about knowing the technique of filmmaking. It’s about knowing the technique of story-telling.
I had never thought of directing earlier but there one or two scripts that are now taking shape in my mind. Those scripts were given to me to act in. However I am not looking them as an actor but as a director. I don’t know whether I will do it or not but the thought is coming to my mind.
An actor you would have loved to direct…
I would like to put it a bit differently and there’s no arrogance in this. I really feel that I can direct anybody because I was a very good teacher. I love to share my experiences with all the actors. I have conducted acting workshops. I know how to interact with actors.
The dream role...
I had a dream role once of playing Hamlet when I was doing theatre. I wanted to do Devdas in films. People made it so many times but never thought of me.
What is more important? The film or your role in it?
A character is part of the entire film. It’s important to see what the story is and how it is being told and how your character is placed in it. One story can be scripted in thousand different ways by thousand different writers.
If you were not an actor…
Then I wouldn’t have been so driven to come out of my village. It would have been babuji ki kheti , chaar paanch bachche (I would have been farming and would have had three-four kids)…
