Last year, among the many deserving Padma Shri awardees was Prabhu Deva. And all the literal-minded intellectuals incapable of any subtlety whatsoever found it funny. ‘Hyuk hyuk,’ they tittered. ‘Who’ll they think of next, Super Subbarayan?’
To me, Prabhu Deva has always been a worthy candidate. Because no mainstream personality has so clearly and singularly focused his attention on an all-pervasive problem our country faces that no one is willing to talk about: fungal infection.
Prabhu Deva’s entire dance repertoire, from his first film to the current Salman Khan epic he must be working on, is a lament about fungal infections.
Pulling at his collar, yanking his fly, moving shirt tails left to right, lifting his tee and covering his head, employing the angavastram as a back-scratcher, using a towel on his groin, rubbing himself against furniture... what in heaven’s name do you think this selfless man has been trying to say for more than a quarter century?
And it took this government to finally pay heed and give him the award he deserves. I think his song from a few years ago, ‘Gandi baat, gandi-gandi-gandi baat ,’ where he talks about the travails of going incognito to a local dermatologist, was the tipping point.
Similarly, this year, too, I find the same highbrows — who do nothing for society — sniggering about the eligibility of some of the awardees at their little cocktail soirées.
Let’s start with Kangana Ranaut. Why? Because Rangoli Chandel.
‘I’m humbled and I’m honoured,’ said Ms Ranaut, addressing her petrified fans. ‘I thank my country and I dedicate this to every woman who dares to dream.’
Whatever anyone says, no one in recent times has fought harder against the evil Mughal, British and Italian governments, and Hrithik Roshan — all at the same time — mounted on a wooden horse, screaming incoherently, with fake blood spattered all over her face, than Ms Ranaut. No one, other than Karan Johar, another deserving awardee, has made us reach for the dictionary to check the meaning of ‘nepotism’ than this true modern-day shero. No one has taught us so much about such diverse things as tax slabs, Agent Provocateur bodysuits, the Mahabharata , Tapsee Pannu, gang wars in colleges, and why Rakesh Roshan should not make Krrish 23 , than this future Nobel laureate.
But, above all, Rangoli Chandel. The only woman in the world who can invite you-know-who for a morning walk.
Let’s come to K-Jo next.
‘It’s not very often that I’m at a loss for words, but this is one such occasion,’ said Johar. ‘I am humbled, elated and also thankful for the opportunity to live my dream every day.’
Give me one reason why this man shouldn’t be given an award?
Can you name one other person who has done as much for education-related dancing by students clad in cutting-edge attire as Johar through Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and SOTY 1 & 2? Not enough? What about his selfless role in delinking Sasha and Bebo, then? Had he not done that, would we have Taimur? Imagine how much poorer our lives would be without him! How about how close K-Jo regularly brought us to Jaya Auntie, Amit Uncle, Gauri bhabhi , Fawad machan et al’s bowel movements? Let’s not forget his contribution to Indian cricket, too. And how he arranged for Hardik Pandya and KL Rahul’s much-needed rest. Above all, name one entertainer who has propagated the benefits of the remote-control vibrator better than K-Jo?
Ekta Kapoor, you say?
I have one word: she gave us Smriti ji . Case closed.
Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written four books and edited an anthology.
