My son’s school term is heading to a close and he has to prepare his concluding summative on a topic he is admittedly uncomfortable about: change and how we manage it. I have been thinking of this practice of summative — of these invaluable frameworks of summary to assimilate our understanding of a subject that has consumed hours of our life. It is a fundamental practice in education and work, much like the vital closure, ‘What’s your takeaway?’, lining the end of a coaching session.
This musing has triggered an urge to write my own summative, a submission of emergent concepts from my inward reflections of recent times. I turned 48 this year — closer than ever to the 50th year of life — and as age-progression inexorably peels off layers of conditioning around concepts and gets us one-step closer to the naked core of an idea; here I share some. My summative is randomly queued; with the disclaimer that what is significant to me may be mundane for you:
1. What does ‘Light at the end of the tunnel’ mean? It is like a tiny dot (ray) of understanding arising out of a void where nothing, until then, was visible. It feels somewhat like getting back in the driving seat of a car that was running on autopilot minus a GPS, with me in it.
2. Age is an unacknowledged fear; the trick is to turn it into a familiar devil by owning and accepting it. Acceptance means being able to easily wear it. I am a work-in-progress at it and penning it is my way of reaching a better place about the greys and wrinkles that appear regularly. And I seem to have travelled some distance already — I no longer fidget from the stares that rove my temples; I am in no hurry to cover my greys before a meeting or social occasion. In truth, I’ve never felt stronger, healthier, softer and more hopeful of beauty.
3. Kindness is softness despite the non-aligned pieces. It is the larger love that I am capable of feeling, despite the small distractions that anger and disillusion bring me.
4. Giving is a lot about receiving. Giving to someone is also rewarding as it validates my usefulness and sense of self. Charity, thus, is as much about me (certainly how it makes me feel).
5. I am often clueless. I kid myself every time I believe that I have an idea of how much there is to ‘rising to the occasion’ within me. I surprise myself incessantly, I underestimate myself constantly and I feel like a fool very often.
6. Vulnerability continues to be tough to practice. I’m finding ways to give in and the idea of failure helps. Scientists are the indubitable vulnerability pros as each experiment is premised on the possibility of failure. When I tell myself ‘try being like a scientist’, I somewhat grasp vulnerability. From there it becomes easier to show up as be vulnerable.
7. I realise the relative value of respect that is earned vs. respect that is innate. I am growing familiar with the fullness of fundamental respect for the being, the idea of respect for the soul of every individual. It allows me freedom from judgment and assumptions — very similar to the fearlessness of love.
Honestly, innate respect has been tough to embody. These cues help:
act from curiosity
quell judgment and its noise each time
believe each one is powerful
be open to experiences
choose connection
straight talk
know that trust is central to respect
8. And lastly, the big truth I’ve come to learn is the human ability to be incredibly elastic, ability to change and with a capacity to heal,
that change is often transformational
that we can all come to a place of quiet and acceptance about our right to heal and seek healing
that there is no shame, no secrecy, no validation to seek out our own kind of healer, guide, friend who will show us the mirror to our wholeness
that wholeness is seldom logical, never matching-matching, never pretty like the aligned pieces of a jigsaw puzzle even when we’re a whole.
The author is a freelance writer, blogger, and life coach. nivedita@lifealigncoaching.com
