Do you ever feel that some problems you face are insurmountable? Problems that are so huge or complex that you don’t know where to start? Problems for which you know there’s a solution hiding somewhere, you just haven’t found it yet?
Everybody goes through times like this. Managing arrears, quitting your job, starting/ending a relationship… With problems like these, our emotions often get in the way of allowing us to think clearly and paralyse us during decision-making.
Here are some ways to help you clear the fog and think about your problem in a more structured manner:
Break your problem down into smaller, manageable pieces: Suppose you had a misunderstanding with your best friend and have hit a rough patch — she was supposed to have met you to watch Avengers: Infinity War together, but stood you up at the last minute to go on a date instead; and this was not the first time it has happened. When you talk to her, you brush it off like it isn’t a big deal, but on the inside, you feel hurt and angry, and start questioning the friendship itself. At times like this, take a deep breath and break the problem down. In this case, there are two aspects: your friend’s tendency to routinely change plans at the last minute, and her opting to make plans with other people rather than with you.
Identify all possible solutions to the different parts of your problem: In our example, you have a few choices: keep silent and pretend everything is okay; call out your friend’s behaviour by telling her how it hurt your feelings (perhaps she just doesn’t know that she’s doing it); and setting some expectations for the future (if she knows she is going to be ditching, she should let you know a few hours in advance so that you can make other plans).
Retain the good solutions/decisions, and eliminate the bad and ugly ones: If you look at the pros and cons of all the decisions, you will know which ones to keep and which to toss. However, there may be times when you don’t have enough information to understand the outcomes of your decisions well enough. In these cases, unless you are racing against the clock, it’s always better to fill in knowledge gaps. Maybe some decisions will make more sense only once you talk to an expert or people involved in the matter.
Act on your decision: You can’t always predict outcomes with 100% accuracy, but you can surely try getting close! Once you have taken a decision, act on it rather than second-guessing yourself. If you are very unsure of doing the right thing, bounce your ideas off someone else (preferably a neutral third party who is not involved in your problem) to get more perspectives.
Don’t sway from your value system: This one is important. Unlike the Vulcans of Star Trek, we humans don’t always have the ability to take decisions using cold, hard logic alone; and this isn’t a bad thing! Make sure the decisions you take — whatever they may be — are in line with your values. The right thing to do may not always lead to the best outcome; but if you sacrifice your principles when taking a decision, just to get a good outcome, it is going to give you sleepless nights.
The author is a psychologist and management consultant. krithvis@gmail.com
