I think it’s time I started thinking about my future. I know what you’re thinking: ‘Why does an 11-year-old need to think about his future?’ Well, for one thing, all my friends have already started thinking about theirs, and I don’t want to be left behind. You know how when they’re handing out science project topics in class and you aren’t paying attention, and then you find out that the only topic left is rocks? I mean, who wants to write a report about rocks? Other than geologists who think rocks rock. Gettit?
Well, it’s kind of like that. What if I don’t pay attention now, all the cool things to do are taken, and all that’s left is being a, a …. okay. Before I decide what I do want to do, let’s decide what I don’t want to do.
Banker: I used to want to be a banker. See, I thought that all the money in the bank was there for the bankers. But apparently that’s not how it works. The bank is not your own personal ATM when you work there. That’s like working at a biscuit factory and not being allowed to eat biscuits whenever you’re hungry. No thank you.
Teacher: I like most of my teachers and I guess even the ones I don’t like much are okay. But really… imagine having to teach kids like… me? They are the kind of kids who always forget their homework, can’t remember how to calculate factors and multiples, and never start their sentences with an uppercase letter. It has to be pretty frustrating. I suddenly have so much respect for my teachers.
Artist: I used to think being an artist would be cool. You paint a square and a circle and call it modern art! Then bam! Your painting is in a museum and people are bidding crazy amounts to own it. But actually, most artists don’t even get famous in their life time. Some of them even have their work called rubbish and that makes them very sad. I know what that’s like. PB is criticising my comic books all the time. Not that I pay attention to him. But still. It hurts.
Stunt double: So, when I was a kid, I used to think that actors did all those cool action sequences themselves. Then, I learned that it was really a stunt double who did them. Imagine getting to ride a bike through fire and wrestle crocodiles! Not at the same time, of course. But guess what? The stunt double gets zero fame. And their names come in really tiny letters at the end of the credits. I’m not wrestling a crocodile for that.
Engineer: I thought engineers made cool things like jackets with built-in jet packs and edible slime. But really, they don’t. They make roads and bridges and write programmes that get trains to run on time. All important things, but not too exciting. Also, you need to be good at math to be an engineer, which as we all know, isn’t my best subject.
What do you absolutely NOT want to be when you grow up?
