While everyone sings paeans to motherhood, not too many people worry about fathers. I remember my teachers being horrified at the fact that my father would do my hair as best as he could when mum was not around and insist on redoing it “properly”. Twenty-odd years later, people expressed surprise and shock that my husband was carting our two-day-old son around quite confidently. “Are you sure it’s safe?” asked one nervous friend.
Hundred milestones
Going through Rob Kemp’s Dadding It: Landmark Moments in Your Life as a Father... and How to Survive Them makes me wonder if even now involved dads are a minority. Kemp divides fatherhood into 104 milestones ranging from pre-birth to becoming a grandfather.
From holding the baby right and getting a decent night’s sleep through fussy eating and bike riding to teenage rows and love life and marriage, Kemp offers short and pithy advice. The majority of these points are covered in around two pages each. Of course things like childhood illnesses get a little more space. A table that lists common complaints along with symptoms and treatments makes an excellent guide. Any dad trying out the jokes at the ‘Using and perfecting your dad jokes repertoire’ probably does so at his own peril. Unless it’s a male thing. I showed them to my son and was threatened with murder.
Stuck in the middle is a chapter called ‘13 facts on how dads do things differently’. This is a listing of studies showing how important fathers are in a child’s life. Though very different from the other chapters, it makes for some interesting reading. For example, did you know that “fathers of daughters sang more, used more language related to the body and to sadness, were more attentively engaged, and used more analytical language. Fathers of sons engaged in more rough-and-tumble play and used more achievement-focused language.” Or that “dads who work out, play sport and generally keep themselves fit and active boost their offspring’s brain power.”Apparently a father’s fitness has an effect on the baby’s neurons.
Learning to handle situations
There is a lot that an average Indian parent will probably scoff at or even feel outraged about — for example ‘Kid coming home late’ or ‘Kid comes home drunk’ or ‘Meeting your teenager’s special one’ — but these are realities in India as well. And the sooner we learn to deal with it, the better it is for both the parents and the kids.
Kemp sums up what the book is about in his Introduction: “This book is designed to prepare you for some, if not all, of what lies ahead for many years to come, because no matter if your kid is three months, three years, 13 or 33 and living far away, you’re still ‘Dad’. It’s a job for life... bet you hadn’t thought about that when the stars all aligned to bring your little wonder into the world!” I couldn’t help wishing that I could reach out to my dad and ask him what he thought of it all.
Dadding It! Landmark Moments in Your Life as a Father... and How to Survive Them ; Rob Kemp, Bloomsbury, ₹479.
