Ready…set…go! And I was there all geared to take up any or all of the competitions ranging from sports to singing. I had that irresistible urge to win always. I stretched myself far too beyond; learning, unlearning and relearning lessons about which I had no clue, all just to be part of that crew!
Destination to me mattered more than the journey. I strongly relied on maxims like “Never say die”, “Be better than the best” and so on. To me, winning was “The Ultimate”. I was straining every nerve and cell just to be on that winner's pedestal. Oh what a pain!
The strains showed on me and I could not retain the victory cup always. I was left behind and I watched others surging ahead.
Distressed and dejected I was, unable to cope with the fact that I wasn't always the best in life. The painful realisation taught me valuable lessons.
I gradually changed my mindset and believed that just participation will do and it is “after all everything”. But again the deep desire to be a part of everything had not died. It was in fact furiously racing within. No wonder, I madly participated in almost all competitions, now that the journey mattered more than the destination! But participating wasn't so easy either. It made me apprehensive and anxious, stressing me out.
“Are you a coward?” a voice echoed within. I felt as if darkness was laughing at me in exceeding joy. Was I surrendering to the dark evil? Something dawned on me all of a sudden. And I watched the transition within me. After all being just “ordinary” wasn't a crime! I longed to be a passive spectator watching the myriad drama of life.
I had graduated sensibly into a plane where I could rely on my inner signals and sense the nascent aroma of freedom. The need “to become” dropped, and I wanted to “just be”. It gave me heavenly joy and happiness. The freedom of being an unknown, unrecognized an invisible nobody brought me unimaginable peace. To me “anonymity” seemed as the most invaluable gift one could possess.
SONAL RANJIT, I year, B.Com Marketing Management,
MOP Vaishnav College for Women