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No laughing matter this -- Kambakkht Ishq

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Boring: Kambakkht Ishq
Boring: Kambakkht Ishq

I’m hardly offended by politically incorrect jokes. I am all for exploitation cinema. I like Akshay and Kareena, even loved ‘Tashan.’ Dare I admit, I also dug parts of ‘Chandni Chowk to China.’ And, I believe that the shamelessly sexist ‘Borat’ is the funniest film in recent times.

Yet, when I hear Akshay Kumar defend this horror film by suggesting that even ‘The Hangover’ was full of gross jokes, I feel the need to thwack him on the back of his head and say: Dude, look up subversive in the dictionary.

And Sabbir, your vocabulary seems to suggest that your sense of humour, to use a polite word, is asinine. But that’s not really a bad thing.

Stupid remake

This insanely stupid remake of ‘Pammal K Sambandam’ (Come on, it WAS funnier on TV) is no battle of the sexes. It’s ‘Taming Of The Shrew By The Village Pervert Who Got Lucky To Find Himself On A Plane To Hollywood.’ Business class, at that.

Pervert plays a stuntman/player. Bimbo plays a supermodel/surgeon. They hurl canine abuses at each other, especially after he forces himself on her. A forced kiss isn’t sexual harassment in Sabbir Khan’s parallel universe that hopes that laws of ‘Borat’s’ Kazakhstan apply to Hollywood.

She’s so smart a surgeon that she leaves her watch behind in his stomach. Again, in Sabbir’s universe, Dr. Yamak is the government scientist who has proved that “women’s brain is size of squirrel”.

Here’s a list of other tasks women actors perform: Sleep with Akshay (multiple occurrences), give him a pedicure, get run over by studio transportation chasing him, flash for fun, show assorted cleavage, kiss him (multiple occurrences), get slapped, want to have his baby, pay for the hotel room and the drinks. How bad must a film be to be boring after all that skin show?

Amrita Arora is a full-time lingerie model (even when she’s not working), Aftab Shivdasani does not have a mind of his own and plays Akshay’s sidekick, Boman Irani is sexually confused, Americans are plain dumb (they panic when you say ‘Hi, Jack’ on a plane and can mistake any random tune to be India’s national anthem) and are desperate too. Aging Denise Richards (playing herself) wants Akshay’s golden babies, Superman Brandon Routh plays a loser and guys in the hood can’t seem to recognise poor old Sly Stallone!

Okay, Javed Jaffrey makes the most you can out of a single extended joke, Akshay is endearingly sincere, Kareena is super hot, the songs aren’t too bad either and you might end up laughing half a dozen times.

But is that alone worth your money?

Kambakkht Ishq

Genre: Comedy

Director: Sabbir Khan

Cast: Akshay Kumar, Kareena Kapoor, Amrita Arora, Aftab Shivdasani, Javed Jaffrey

Storyline: A stunt-man who believes women are sex objects meets his match in a part-time supermodel full-time surgeon, who — wait for it — ends up proving him right!

Bottomline: No brains were harmed, nay hardly used, in the making of this film

SUDHISH KAMATH

The Hindu presents the all-new Young World

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