Don't work the whip
Dr. S. YAMUNA
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Aggression breeds aggression. Youngsters subjected to physical punishment have been shown to be more violent towards siblings, classmates, and, in their later life, to spouse and children.
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Sixteen-year-old Suren, of Std. XI, studying in a co-education school, has been refusing to attend school for the past one week. He has been found confined to his room all day long. When either of the parents approached him to find out the matter, he banged shut his room door. He was very irritable. He only said, "If you had been in my position, you would also do the same thing."
The worried father spoke to Suren's classmate and gathered that Suren was beaten up in the chemistry period in front of the whole class for not completing his record. This distressed his father. As soon as his father reached home, he rushed to Suren's room and started abusing him verbally and whipped him with his leather belt.
Suren was depressed because he was beaten up in front of the class. His father did not console him but rather showed his disappointment and frustration by whipping him. Suren did not know how to express his helplessness.
Spare the rod
Corporal punishment at school or at home inflicted by teachers or parents is emotionally and physically dangerous to a growing adolescent. Youngsters need discipline, but it should be self-motivated self-discipline.
Physical punishment rarely motivates teenagers to change. The fact that teachers and parents have been repeating corporal punishment on the same set of youngsters show that it is ineffective. People usually hit children and adolescents because they were hit when young. Parents often hit out of anger and frustration. Many do not have knowledge of alternate methods of disciplining.
Unnecessary violence
Aggression breeds aggression. Even a little slap conveys the message that violence is the appropriate response to control unwanted behaviour of others. Youngsters who have been subjected to physical punishment have been shown to be more aggressive to siblings, bullying other children at school, violent to their spouse and children in their later life.
Physical punishment by parents is often done with the intention of helping the child become a better person. "I hit you because I love you". This is a very confusing message as it conveys pain with love. Rather, a patient dissection of the unwanted behaviour and its consequences would be a worthwhile exercise.
Rolemodelling by parents would be an effective way of incorporating good behaviour in youngsters. "Do not worry that your children are not listening to you; Worry that they are watching you", goes a famous saying.
Praise and respect
Parents and teachers should have reasonable expectations from youngsters and reward their efforts with praise, companionship and respect. Teachers should be able to distinguish between education problems and discipline problems. Incomplete assignment or not conforming to deadline may be an expression of the adolescent's educational handicap, which needs a different approach. Teachers are the pillars of education. They strive to improve the self-esteem of their students. Corporal punishment is not a useful tool to inculcate good values in students. Discussion with the student in private about the reasons for the misbehaviour would curb a repetition of bad behaviour in future.
Adolescence is a delicate period in one's life. The personality of an individual develops depending on experiences gained during this period. Appreciation, encouragement and love would help to inculcate self-discipline in our youth. Adolescence is to be nurtured, not tortured.
Dr. Yamuna is a Chennai-based consultant paediatrician and adolescent physician.
E-mail: dryamunapaed@yahoo.com
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