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`Most men sound like women... '

Pop singer Neha Bhasin and stand-up comedian Vikram Sathaye settle down for a bonding session

PHOTO: P.V. SIVA KUMAR

CHAT ROOM Vikram takes a dig at Neha

He chatters and she croons. But given a choice, pop singer Neha Bhasin of Viva fame would love to shoot off nineteen to the dozen like her buddy Vikram Sathaye does.

Like any true-blue stand-up comedian, Vikram is never at a loss for words, even if the sequence in which they tumble out might sound gobbledygook from the word go. Then again, that's how he has everybody around him in splits. In town for a show, Neha and Vikram settled down for a quick chat. K. SACHIDANAND MENON keeps track of the digs and the repartees.

MetroPlus: When, where and how did you two first meet?

Neha: It was at a contest for radio jockeys in which I was the judge.

Vikram: I was performing on stage and you were out there so well dressed and beautiful I was getting really distracted.

Neha (laughs): I thought you were genuinely funny, with an intellectual approach to humour.

Vikram: And like true Mumbaikars, we kept in touch after that through various meetings in aeroplanes and a couple of calls now and then.

Neha (giggles): Do you remember the time when we were both travelling in the same plane and there was this glittering stuff all over my face...

Vikram: Yeah, those bits of glitter had come off your handbag.

Neha: You asked me if I had been kissing my handbag. I laughed my guts off. I kind of like the way you hold a conversation. You don't talk like men usually do.

Vikram: That's because most men sound like women when they are talking to women.

Neha: You said it. I don't like it when men treat you oh-so-softly with words like, `Don't worry darling... everything's gonna be all right'. I am glad you don't talk to me like that. In fact, it's a wonder you talk to me at all, being as you are somebody who gets bored after five minutes if a conversation isn't stimulating enough. And yes, you do make me laugh.

Vikram: Well, if you don't laugh at my jokes, my business will sink. So keep laughing. As for why I talk to you, it's because I'm fashionably challenged and keep hoping that you'll spare me a few tips on the subject. But seriously, I think you can go on and on about any subject and talk sense.

Neha: Looks like we have a mutual admiration club here.

Vikram: Okay then, let me say something bad about you. Hmmm... . That's funny, I can't think of anything bad about you. Maybe I should cut down your stage time on tonight's show to 15 minutes and see how you react. Perhaps, the `bad' stuff might come out then.

Neha (laughs): I'm cool with 15 minutes.

Vikram: Come on. Be a woman and fight.

Neha (laughs): Okay, let me say something bad about you then. I think you have a lot of potential but you are a bit lazy.

Vikram: True, true. Nothing shall affect my laziness. The other day I was talking to Mark Waugh and we were discussing his brother Steve's autobiography titled Out Of My Comfort Zone. Now that's something I just can't do. I cannot come out of my comfort zone. I understand it's necessary to come out of your comfort zone to achieve things. That's where you score. You can face the heat.

Neha: I can drive people up the wall, if that's what you mean. On the other hand, you can have everybody laughing their guts off. Take me, for example, I generally laugh at stupid things...

Vikram: Oh, yeah?

Neha (laughs): What I mean is that I can laugh at stupid things too if a situation demands it but in your case, I really laugh. I think there's a philosophic touch to your humour.

Vikram: You are making me feel like Asaram Bapu.

Neha (laughs)

Vikram: Comedy doesn't have to be intellectual. In fact, the best response in my shows has come from kids and teenagers, whom you would not call intellectuals.

Neha: That's true. Kids and teenagers are non-judgmental and carry no attitudes. They are very progressive.

Virkam: The problem is Indians don't like to laugh at themselves and clap at others. As for the comedians, many of them are vicious.

Neha: Yes, most of them make personal remarks and that's one reason why I don't like performing alongside them on shows.

Vikram: Crude comedy should go out. I mean, there were so many occasions on which I cracked jokes on different cricketers. I have imitated the way Pakistani batsman Inzamam Ul Haq, walks and talks. I have imitated Sachin with him sitting in the audience. But they never felt offended. You have to be careful not to offend sentiments.

Neha: True.

Vikram: And yes, it is important to be intellectual in comedy.

Neha: Suppose I just stand on stage and give everybody a knowing smile, pretend to be an intellectual...

Vikram: That's not intellectual. Smiling does not count as intellectual.

Neha: But smiling is beautiful.

Vikram: Perhaps, you should hold a Vikram Seth book and smile. That will make you look intellectual.

Neha (laughs): Enough of comedy, tell me something I don't know.

Vikram: I like music.

Neha: You never told me about your musical interests.

Vikram: It is genetic. My mom is a classical singer. I like a lot of things — Western, Indian classical and semi-classical, rock, hip-hop...

Neha: What did you grow up on? Rock?

Vikram: Excuse me, I grew up on cricket.

Neha: I hate cricket. I think it's been overrated.

Vikram: You can't say that. Why does America like baseball? Has that been overrated?

Neha: This argument will go on and on...

Vikram: Yeah, let's split.

Neha: Keep in touch. You better keep in touch!

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