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Once you have mastered the art of small talk, you get comfortable with people and the conversation flows just naturally.
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ALL THE names were remembered correctly and associated with the right owners. You remembered the protocol for proper introductions and followed all the steps perfectly and the first hurdle is over. Wheww! You are on a roll or, you think you are on a roll. Now you come to a screeching halt. You have nothing to say!
This is the part that most people dread in a social interaction - conversation! How to start, maintain, and conclude a dialogue. People who have nothing to say in company become extremely shy, tongue tied and insecure. Most people are petrified of silence or impasse in a conversation and the brain ticks at 200 miles per hour, trying to think of something, anything to say! You wonder, "I am a pretty well-put together person normally. What is wrong with me?" You are afraid that the others are going to think you are a dimwit, unsophisticated and nervous and all other choice words that you are torturing yourself with.
First things first. Let us put your mind at ease. We are our own worst critics. To help you ease up on yourself little bit more - I am going to let you in on a big secret! You are not alone! According to Dr. Bella De Paulo, 40 per cent of all adults have social anxiety and 75 per cent of all adults experience anxiety at a party with strangers. So just relax. There are a lot of people out there with the same or similar anxieties.
As comforting as those statistics were, let us see how you can save yourself from this social dilemma without forcing yourself. Besides, when one forces oneself to say something brilliant, it comes out all wrong anyway.
The idea is, once again relax. Next, have some faith in yourself and the last is to learn and develop the skills to carry on small talk. Small talk is the ability to appear to be a brilliant conversationalist. Notice the words `Ability to appear'. That is the operative word here. Small talk is chitchat. No profound theories are explored or floated, just plain inconsequential conversation in a social setting that allows you to move about easily, meet a lot of people and have `conversations' with all of them, irrespective of their age, gender, background and education. Once you have mastered the art of small talk, you get comfortable with people and the conversation just flows naturally.
A word of strong caution here, though. In any conversation in the social arena, there are certain topics you never bring up.
They are - cost of things, money earned (the whole subject of money is tacky), health problems (unless someone asks you specifically, nobody is interested in growth of your once little tumour), ethnic jokes (very offensive), sexual jokes (now, you know better than that, especially in mixed company), age (none of your business), deeply personal questions (don't ask the lady if she is dying her hair), religion and politics. The last two topics can be very explosive, especially in a gathering where you do not know everyone intimately.
CHITRA DANGER
(The writer is the Director, ProEt Centre for International Protocol and Etiquette)
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