Colleague Woes
EVERY office has its share of nitpicking, psyched up people who have an extraordinary penchant for inducing tension, trauma and complete nervous breakdowns in their saner counterparts with their extremely annoying and downright unpleasant behaviour. Take heart; you are not alone. (In the happy event you think you are not suffering from such colleague-induced stress, you probably are the carrier!)
Owing to past karma or plain bad luck (you decide which), a sizeable portion of the working population gets stuck with all manner of crazy bosses and colleagues with particularly annoying eccentricities. And while such a deplorable situation does warrant our sympathy, the sad fact of life is that in contrast to your private life, you rarely can choose the people with whom you spend the most of each working day. Whether disturbingly unpredictable, irritatingly interfering or blatantly confrontational, cranky colleagues are cited by many people as the number one stress-inducing factor on the job.
If one survey by Reuters is to be believed, almost 14 per cent of generally passive workers in the U.S. have at some point of time felt driven by job stress to shout at, or strike a co-worker (!). If normal people can be driven to such extremes by job stress, we hate to think about the poor souls who have to put up with bona fide nut cases.
On second thoughts, though, while one can safely confine the bona fide maniacs to lunatic asylums, there is very little you can actually do about others who seem perfectly normal till they decide to show just how annoying they can be.
Here are some guidelines to help you deal with such colleagues without actually ruining your day.
While you can't change someone's personality, you can certainly adapt your reactions to it. So when that juvenile receptionist tries to deliberately annoy you with her constant pencil tapping and nervous nail biting, react with equanimity. (This was a genuine complaint from a harassed soul at work, mind you) Do bear in mind that the calmer and more controlled you are, the lesser the capacity of such behaviour to affect you.
Very often, we find we are annoyed by behaviour that may not be directed at us. (To give her the benefit of doubt, it is possible that the receptionist was genuinely nervous about something.) In such situations, change your perception and reaction to the behaviour, and let it go. On the other hand, if you are directly affected by the behavior, call the person on it in a non-confrontational way. People tend to react better to criticism when it's delivered in a way that expresses how their actions affect someone else.
Confront in private. And do resist the urge to tell people how annoying their behaviour is. Instead, ask them questions about how they did what they did or their strategy in approaching something Do not ask "Why?" could make them defensive. Ask "What?" This question will cause them to give you information instead of justification. And who knows... you might even learn something in the process
When issues hit the fan, do not allow yourself to be drawn into an emotional confrontation. Think about it. Are you easily led into a co-worker's emotion? Do you let the complainer pull you into an argument? Who is really in charge of your emotions? Do not allow yourself to get angry or emotional. Instead, try to comprehend the situation calmly. By not allowing yourself to react emotionally, you rob the other person of the chance to find a scapegoat to vent his spleen. Limit your interaction, though this may not always be possible. But if the annoying co-worker in your office is someone you do not have to actually spend time working with, then avoid him or her whenever possible. There is no point in having your time wasted by someone you do not enjoy, so if you see him or her headed your way, look busy!
When trivial things add up and small conflicts and annoyances escalate into much more serious problems, it can become very difficult to address. The earlier we address such behaviour, the easier it is to deal with.
BINDU SRIDHAR
faqs@cnkonline.com
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