‘Nothing like amortising one gift across two occasions,’ Scrooge McDuck told himself as he decided to give away gifts to his great-nephews on December 28, right in between Christmas and New Year. “Bah, kids these days! They seem to want some gizmo or the other…dratted technology!” he muttered as he began writing notes to accompany each of the gifts.
To Huey, who constantly loses his way in life, I gift Skully Helmet, a helmet that will not only show him the way, but will also provide regular weather updates. The helmet is powered by Android (Android - Google - searching for directions... got it?) and is Bluetooth-enabled, so you can access maps and driving directions on the move. And you don’t have to endanger yourself by speaking on your mobile while riding your bike — this helmet can keep you connected to your network. (Life has always been a hands-free experience for you, the only difference being that you can now keep your hands on the handlebar and let go of the mobile.)
There’s even a little display in front of you that will show you route maps and other details you might need to know. And you’ve always grumbled to me that you don’t have eyes on the back of your head — this helmet will rectify that, via a rear-view camera that will give you a 180-degree view of all that’s happening behind you as well.
And don’t worry about someone swiping the helmet from your bike when you’ve parked it outside, because the helmet has voice recognition features. I’m delighted that you’ll finally have a head that will be equally alert to an upcoming bend, an incoming message and impending rains. And yes, when you’re listening to music, it’ll also notify you what’s next, so if it’s Justin Bieber, you can skip or repeat, depending on whichever side of the bed you got out of.
To Dewey — since your name has been used everywhere from a Lemony Snicket novel to the Scream movie series, I’m sure that you’re suffering from an identity crisis. It calls for a doctor, but you know that I’ll never pay for one, so I herewith gift you a headset that helps monitor health. It also plays music, can be used as a training device and helps record various vital stats — from heart beat to calories used up. (A sensor module fitted in it helps track such information.) It also helps track your speed and distance covered when you’re exercising. (How? Infrared light, accelerometer and all that jazz.)
As for its accuracy, don’t doubt it, it’s as good as an ECG machine or a heart rate monitor. Since it’s based on the latest sensor technology, it can also be hooked up to your smartphone — and there’s an app (for both iOS and Android) that takes care of the rest. Whew, that’s fitness, training, music and health, all combined into one.
To Louie, ever since you heard the hit single ‘Brother Louie’ by Modern Talking and by Hot Chocolate, you’re constantly on your mobile (modern talking?) and have become hooked on to cooking. So I gift you a Smart Kettle. It’s Wi-Fi enabled, so you can be anywhere in the house and still control the kettle with the help of an app. Imagine being woken up in the morning by your smartphone and being asked if you need to switch the smart kettle on. How about that? There are four different temperature settings and a host of other hi-tech features, so the kettle can even be programmed to keep the tea warm until you’re ready to have it, whenever that might be. (And you’ll get a text from the kettle when the water’s on the boil.)
Hope I don’t get bothered for an entire year now. And oh, have a Happy New Year.
sureshl.india@gmail.com
