When fingers get into trouble because of smartphones, trust technology to lend a helping hand

It’s official. Mobile phones are causing a lot of damage to our fingers. And now that the royal heir is born, England has retained the Ashes and the U.K. economy is looking up, a leading cellular service provider from the Queen’s own country has decided to give its nation — and the world — something new to talk about and thereby increase its revenue.

That ‘something new’ has turned out to be Thumbells, or dumbbells for the thumb. The product has been created to heal sore thumbs and strengthen them for more action, coming shortly in the form of 4G.

If the United Kingdom could do so much for its 83 million subscribers, can India, with over 10 times that subscriber base, be left far behind?

While the nation keeps its fingers crossed, a group of tech wizards with their fingers on the pulse of the common man have come up with a list of innovations that are finger-licking good.

And since different people message differently, the innovations are varied, so that the whizzes can have a finger in every pie. Here’s a sneak peek:

The Vulcan Nerve Pinch: Who would have thought that the ‘Control-Alt-Delete’ routine that we've been practising for years to revive our dying computers would resuscitate our lifeless fingers as well?

Special gyms with long rows of keyboards are being proposed where the manoeuvre — involving the thumb and two other fingers — can be practised 20 times a day.

Thummunity: Several online groups are being planned where finger gymmers can form a Thummunity — a Thumb Community. (Other fingers can be included through referrals, and will be called members.) Sister associations of the Thummunity are also planned — these will be called Fingerlings.

One of the highlights of these associations will be a forum that would offer ‘fingertips’ — useful suggestions for finger exercises.

There will also be a medical forum titled ‘Have you been fingered?’ which will have experts from the medical community addressing questions on the problems and solutions concerning damaged fingers and their rehabilitation.

Fingerbook: Fingerbook is a variation of Facebook, soon to be announced by the social media biggie. Why Fingerbook? “Because,” said a senior programmer on conditions of anonymity, “if you can use your fingers to update Facebook, why can't you use your face to update Fingerbook?” The idea was to rest one’s digits and use other body parts, like the face, for instance. This revolutionary thought has given rise to a new form of communication, called Chilbow.

Chilbow: Just because your fingers are in rehab, you can’t afford to not check mail or update your Facebook status. So, to cash in on this thought, a tech entrepreneur has cashed in on the big bucks of several angel investors and has found a unique way of updating Facebook — or Fingerbook — posts. Called Chilbow, it’s a technique where one uses one’s chins and elbows to update status messages, upload photos and videos, and like posts from their friends.

Since behavioural patterns on Facebook already involve giving one the cold shoulder, having tongues wag, getting nosey and putting one’s foot firmly in the mouth, plans are on to expand the scope of this new communication technique.

Full-finger workout: This routine helps exercise all 10 fingers together and involves enacting the nursery rhyme ‘One Little Finger’ five times a day. But for those who think it’s child’s play, suitable exercises that involve imbibing nicely chilled, golden-brown liquids from large glass mugs could do the trick. This not only exercises all five fingers, but also the wrist. More for information, google Oktoberfest.

All the ideas were well-appreciated and made the founders richer with several rounds of funding, until one day, the bubble burst. Fingers were no longer needed to interact with mobiles — a girl from Goa had come up with gesture recognition.

sureshl.india@gmail.com

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